lift+love podcast
FEATURED EPISODES
Allison and Jenie are joined by Anita Ervin (leader of the Lift+Love support group for Parents of Transgender /Non-Binary kids) to discuss how to stay in uncomfortable moments with your child.
In this episode of Lift+Love Conversations, Jenie and Allison discuss how parents can help their children to be healthy, both emotionally and spiritually.
Have you ever listened to a talk that everybody seems to love and you are left with feeling less hope and more fear?
Allison and Jenie recently experienced this and they discuss in this episode how to process and find peace.
We are back! Jenie and Allison talk about the Gather Conference, sharing their experience, behind the scenes moments, and what they have learned.
You can watch recordings all of the Gather Conference 2023 presentations on the Gather Conference YouTube channel HERE
Suicidal ideation is very common and can surface in unexpected ways. In this episode, Ben and Charlie are joined by Taryn Hiatt, the Area Director for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention to talk about myths surrounding suicide, warning signs, and practical steps anyone can take when life feels overwhelming. Please do not miss this important episode. IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY CONSIDERING SUICIDE OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS, PLEASE SEEK HELP IMMEDIATELY - DIAL 988 OR 911
Charlie and Ben talk about why they decide to move forward in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
This is one you don't want to miss! Ben and Charlie are joined by David Butler for a conversation on how to recognize which thoughts come from the Spirit.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST CLassics
Most parents have great fear about what is going to happen with their testimony after their child comes out. Can they stay in the church and support their LGBTQ child? Anita Irvin, Allison and Jenie talk about how they have managed this path and share what they needed to do to protect their testimony and how they grew their faith of Jesus Christ
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST EPISODE #41 - “THRIVING VS SURVIVING - LETTING GO OF WORRY” Worry is a sneaky emotion. It feels useful and necessary. But that is a lie. When we create worry about our LGBTQ child we are using up our valuable emotional energy in unproductive ways. Taking action from worry is not where we want to parent from.
In this episode Allison and Jenie talk about how to handle your worry, what result your worry is creating and how to thrive and not just survive.
Link to the Pope's quotes https://www.catholicnewsagency.com/news/250221/at-general-audience-pope-francis-urges-parents-never-condemn-a-child
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST EPISODE #39 “HOW TO TAKE THE HEAT WHEN YOU STAND UP” WITH COUNCILMEMBER JULIE SPILSBURY
In this episode Jenie and Allison talk with Julie Spilsbury who serves as a Councilmember for the city of Mesa. Julie shared with us her story on how supporting the controversial non-discrimination ordinance effected her relationships and her standing in the community.
Julie was elected to the Mesa City Council in August of 2020, Councilmember Julie Spilsbury began her first term defending her vote on Mesa’s controversial Non-Discrimination Ordinance – passed March 1 2021.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS EPISODE #38 - “IS MY LGBTQ CHILD SAFE AT CHURCH?” In one week's time, four moms told us that their children didn't feel safe at church. This is not unusual. We hear this a lot.
We also hear from parents who don't have LGBTQ children they don't understand why LGBTQ children feel unsafe at church.
In this episode, we get vulnerable when we talk about HOW our LGBTQ saints feel emotionally unsafe in our churches.
EPISODE #37 - HOW TO PROCLAIM PEACE - Allison and Jenie had the pleasure of interviewing Patrick Mason and J. David Pulsipher about their new book. These two men have co-authored the book Proclaim Peace - The Restoration's Answer to an Age of Conflict. This book is a spiritual journey by two believing scholars of peace. In a world plagued by violence, Mason and Pulsipher believe, with President Russell M. Nelson, that “peace is possible” and that the “descendants of Abraham . . . are in a pivotal position to emerge as peacemakers” (“Blessed Are the Peacemakers,” Ensign, Nov. 2002). This book is an effort to lift up the Restoration’s distinctive principles that invite us to renounce violence and proclaim Christ’s good news of love and peace to a world that desperately needs it. Proclaim Peace seeks not to promote any particular ideology, but to invite readers, especially the rising generation, to reflect on the interpersonal, ethical, and social dimensions of Christian discipleshipPatrick Q. Mason is the Leonard J. Arrington Chair of Mormon History and Culture and an associate professor of religious studies and history at Utah State University. He is a nationally recognized authority about the Church in media outlets.
J. David Pulsipher is a professor of history at Brigham Young University–Idaho, where he teaches courses on citizenship, civil discourse, peace-building, and nonviolence .Patrick Q. Mason is the Leonard J. Arrington Chair of Mormon History and Culture and an associate professor of religious studies and history at Utah State University. He is a nationally recognized authority about the Church in media outlets.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST EPISODE 36 “TURNS OUT, I MARRIED A GAY MAN” - Jenie and Allison talk to Jessica from Husband In Law podcast. Steve and Jessica were happily married for 7 years until Steve came out as being gay which inevitably ended in divorce. Now, Matt and Jessica have been happily married for over 8 years. The crazy part is, Matt, Jessica, and Steve all get along, to the extent that Matt and Steve work together, every dang day… Don’t worry you will get all the details while you listen. Matt, Jessica, and Steve have a relationship that, by most standards, would be considered atypical. Listen in as Jessica takes us on their journey of learning how to love and accept themselves enough to love and accept others for who they are during this experience called “Life”.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST EPISODE #35-When we talk to mom's of children who just came out - this is the number one question. Is this just a phase? Is this a trend? All of their friends seem to be doing this.
In this episode we talk with Dr. Lacey Bagley, LMFT who owns Celebrate LGBTQIA+ Therapy Services in Provo, Utah. She helps us break "Is this just a phase?" down and gives us some great tips on how to parent and help your LGTBQ child as they explore their identity.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST EPISODE #34- “Are you dreading Thanksgiving dinner with the big family? If so, we got your back. In this episode we will teach you how to handle crazy grandma and have the best big family dinner you have ever had. We arm you with great thoughts and 4 tips on how to prepare and coach yourself before the big family gathering…
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #33- Allison & Jenie share part 6 of “Our Mother's Knew It - Declaration of their Divinity: Seeking,” which focuses on seeking answers and guidance from God. As stated in Article Faith 9, “We believe that… He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.” As mother's we are pleading for greater gospel light to shine on our LGBTQ children. We invite all members to join us in asking the Savior for further understanding of the plan for HIS LGBTQ children.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #32- Jenie and Allison share part 5 of “Their Mother's Knew It - Declaration of their Divinity,” which focuses on the purpose of LGTBQ children.
We get the question a lot - "Why do we have so many LGBTQ saints?" In this episode, we discuss this question and we also discuss our belief that our LGBTQ children have an important purpose here on earth...that they were sent down to earth at this time to teach others and to do specific missions for their Heavenly Father. Jenie and Allison discuss the beauty of what their diversity brings and how diversity makes the body of Christ perfect only with its diversity.
To quote Bishop Gérald Caussé, Presiding Bishop, “unity is not achieved by ignoring and isolating members who seem to be different.” Christ’s unity is not subtractive, whereby we disregard the significance of our differences. It is additive. This episode talks about how we can better strive to understand, to appreciate, and to integrate our differences in order to carry out the Lord’s work. This is an important episode about how essential diversity is for Christ's church.
Declaration of Divinity - Part 5 PURPOSE - "We believe that our LGBTQ children have been sent to earth at this time for a divine mission. Their diversity is essential to the body of Christ and we are not whole without them. They are here to teach us and it is our responsibility to ask God what He wants us to know and how we can better love His children"
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #31- Jenie and Allison introduce declaration #4 - "Divine Birthright” Declaration of Divinity - Part 4
We know that our Heavenly Father loves our LGBTQ children. Unfortunately this is not always the message they receive in our church communities. Jenie and Allison discuss how harmful it is that our LGBTQ children receive the message of shame about who they are. Allison share's her brothers journey with this messaging and how that affected his live. Jenie talks about how sometimes parents are part of this harmful message and what to do next if that has happened in your family. This is a powerful episode about how important our words are to our LGBTQ children.
Declaration of Divinity - Part 4 Divine Birthright - We take away an LGBTQ child’s divinity and replace it with shame when we tell them the way they were born is not part of God’s plan. As mothers we assert that any message taught to our children should reassure them that they are a beloved Child of God and so entitled to all the blessings promised to His faithful children.
transcript: Jenie Rae Hunter 0:03 Hello are lifted left community we are back with you today Alison and I and we are so excited we always love recording these podcasts they we want you know they are from our heart. Anything we're talking to you about has been weighing heavy on our heart and we work on it for weeks and weeks and this one in particular that we're going to talk about today and we're gonna get into in just a minute but I think this has taken us six months out so Allison Dayton 0:28 it feels like it and Jenny got me up at the crack of dawn, before the animals. We ran out of time yesterday Jenie Rae Hunter 0:37 Right so Allison might have a little morning voice because it's very early. Yes, almost morning. We had exciting house here in the hunters like my daughter, Sarah Jane, open up her she's at BYU. So we did it all via Facebook Live but she openened her mission call amd is going to Rome Italy and now her twin is going share her twin already opened her college she's going to Las Vegas, Nevada. So my twins will be out in January and March to go on their mission. So super excited for them. And your you have your BYUI. So, it was busy this week, for sure. And then we have some really exciting things coming up your loved one we're not going to tell you about we're just going to we have a really big announcement that we is squeezing changes happening. Present. It is it is we are so excited about we there's so much going on behind the scenes without that we're not going to we're gonna just tease you but in December we have a big announcement and our live event. Our first Love Allison Dayton 1:37 Live event. It's the first time I think ever that we that mothers of LGBTQ children have gotten an opportunity to be together for two days. Jenie Rae Hunter 1:50 I can not wait. Allison Dayton 1:54 It's going to be February 28 and march 1. Jenie Rae Hunter 1:59 Pretty full days both of those Yep, in what city in Provo? Allison Dayton 2:04 Lindon, it's next to Provo, in the shadow of the great Timpanogos in this darling Event Center. Jenie Rae Hunter 2:15 And we are taking limited moms like we are making it this very cozy. So by the time you hear this podcast, it is live, Allison Dayton 2:24 Go to liftandlove.org and look at the live event button on the homepage and have a look at it. But it shows you what's paid for in the event proce and what you'll receive. I think the most important thing is you're going to be with a lot of other women who have been going through the same changes that you have, and you are going to find friendship and love and camaraderie and lifelong support. And we just we can't wait we we can't wait to do it. Jenie Rae Hunter 3:05 Yeah. If you know us, we are both kind of party girls. And so we have like it's going to be fun. And our whole purpose for this event coming together as women as moms is to leave with that so much better friendships and community in this because we know how isolating could be as LGBTQ moms, and we are creating things to end that isolation. So we're so excited. So we're going to focus on what we're here today. And we're talking about number four of the declaration of divinity. And this one's exciting. Go ahead, Allison Dayton 3:42 We are going to focus on birthright here. I'm just gonna read it really quick, I'm going to lead with it because these are the words that that began kind of our quest for sort of these statements. We take away our child's divinity and replace it with shame when we tell them the way they were born is not part of God's plan. as mothers, we assert that any message taught to our children should reassure them, that they are beloved children of God, and so entitled to all the blessings promised to his faithful children. Jenie Rae Hunter 4:18 I just, I mean, we know this. When you heard this, I'm sure you felt like we did like, wow, like it hurts that this is truth that we have given our LGBTQ filter and say, shame instead of divinity. We mean we talked to hundreds of moms. And this is the common denominator of what we have to kind of heal in our children of the shame and the trauma that they've received from the messages and potentially it's not I know that it's never been intentional anybody to take away anybody's divinity, but just kind of the platitudes and the things we've said part of our community. This has produced shame, if you're LGBTQ member, Allison Dayton 4:57 Right? And we've we journey and I've just been talking about These words. And it's interesting because I was looking through a journal from last year, and I try and keep I keep, I'm not great at writing journals, but I keep like statements and like inspiration and personal revelation in my journal and part of that first line, they're taking away the Divinity was in there. And Jenny and I have talked about this over the years, with my brother's death and the experiences, the sacred experiences around being in this house, and being part of that. One of the real understandings I had with it, he felt divorced from his heavenly parents when he left the church, because he was gay. And it was something he left when he was 24. And he died at 58. And it was something that he could never heal. And it was actually one of the first real understandings that I had, and I'm sort of ashamed I didn't understand it before. Unknown Speaker 6:14 he felt Holy Spirit after Yeah. Allison Dayton 6:17 And he was so angry at the church, and that it was hard to look at it in like a healthy, objective way. And anyway, I just this has been in my head for a long time. And I think as Jenny and I have have raised these children, we can see it. This disconnection from their divinity and this disconnection from, from Jesus Christ and from God that we don't nobody intends it to happen. But, because because of some of the words around how we talk about LGBTQ people, it does happen. Jenie Rae Hunter 7:04 It does. And we know how, when you really look at who you are, and how you recreate it with the feeling of shame, like, I mean, how many times have we heard like, well, if I kill myself, then I won't feel this way anymore. And we know of the suicides and we know I mean, this is a serious problem. And, you know, I know, part of my son, I mean, he had some drug use, and it was from this feeling of shame. And it's really hard as parents, because then you have, like, have I add it to that shame. And, you know, like, you have to, it's really kind of devastating to go through it. Because you hold all of us, none of us should feel shameful for who we are, we're 100% worth, and that, you know, it's easier for us. But once when our children are affected, and our siblings, and that's a heartache. That's really it takes a while for you personally to heal for him too. And, you know, I think it's so interesting because Preston, you know, he didn't start that way. Like he served a mission, right? Allison Dayton 8:06 oh and, and, you know, even and maybe one day we'll, I'll be brave enough to do, we'll do a podcast on suicide, but we were cleaning out his house, there were such symbols, or symbols from our gospel, even a painting he had done at the temple. In his home. They were not out like ours would be. Yeah. But you know, there was actually a photograph of the sacred grove in his home. And those symbols were so important to him, even even in his anger. And I think we, as mothers have just seen this and you know, I had a mom asked me this week, are actually a friend. Another LGBTQ mom said that she had a young man say to her, how do I do this? If God hates me? And the church hates me. And I mean that I know that was never anyone's intent. It's interesting how impactful Elder, Ballard's talk at BYU was when he said to those of you who are LGBTQ, I want you to know that there is a place for you in God's kingdom. Like that is if you're on the Instagram accounts for LGBTQ people that is so often repeated and I know that you'll be saying, well, we maybe we don't take away anyone's divinity. But I think that they we we might not do that, but that is the feeling. Right that our members and our families feel. Jenie Rae Hunter 10:01 Right? And, and we know this to be true because of how many we talked to right. And you know, even when a child is super obedient and you know, goes on a mission because they think this the mission will then solve this what they feel like is shameful about them. And then they come back and, you know, we just stories over and over again about and they, you know they can't even listen to the apostle speak anymore because that triggers that feeling of unworthiness. And so Allison Dayton 10:33 I think I think we're we're getting away from it. But that idea that our families are won't be whole in eternity. So we have this member of the family that won't have an opportunity to be whole, and with us, in celestial glory puts the whole family in question. Right? Jenie Rae Hunter 10:52 Right. And that was just bad interpretation. That's not you know, how Heavenly Father wants us to feel, EVER! Allison Dayton 10:58 And my parents never really bought into that idea that they wouldn't be a whole family, you know, but that didn't take away my brother's pain.Yeah. So it's, it's not just a parent, assuring their child, that their beloved child of God, it's all of us, assuring each other, that we are beloved children of our Heavenly Parents. I mean, that takes all of us to cure this all every Sunday school teacher, every seminary teacher, every neighbor, just like Wow, you are a child of God. And there are new our favorite and there's nothing that can take you away from that birthright. Jenie Rae Hunter 11:52 Yeah, you are not. You were made not despite his plan, you're part of his plan. Right? You know, to really feel that deep inside. And, you know, I love like, we are all the plan of salvation. You know, we hear a lot of like, Well, where's my child, he's not in the plan of salvation anymore. And I love where in the typical guy that says, the plan of salvation and the premortal existence, Heavenly Father procured a plan to enable us to become like Him and receive a fullness of joy. Because of this plan, we can be perfected through the atonement, receive a fullness of joy, and live forever in the presence of God, our family relationships can last throughout the eternities. And I really subject that we really know, we know less about the plan of salvation than we really like, there's so much more we don't know. Yeah, I think we have a very scarcity, very focused in view of the planet salvation, that heavenly Father has a much bigger view. And that there is like President Ballard said that there's room for all members in that God's kingdom. And so when we say messages that get when we we just have to be careful how we are teaching, the doctrine interpreting the doctrine, and that we're not othering people because that is what's happened. And I want to teach the doctrine, I love the doctrine of Jesus Christ and love our gospel. And we have to be more careful with how we interpret it and how our words are being said. Allison Dayton 13:18 One of the thingsas you were talking about the Plan of Salvation, so I loved Tammy Uzelac, call on the Sunday on Monday podcast Instagram account said one day, she had, it's a devil in Greek, it means one who separates. And this is, this is the what's happening here, we're separating somebody out of eligibility or the circle I always say we have to redraw or reframe the family so that everybody's back in the family and we we know that the Lord sent us each here with equal potential to get back to him and that was the plan that was the plan that started in in Eden, right? We had we had to be cast out of an Eden to or Adam and Eve did to be able to, educate ourselves as we fight thorns and thistles and noxious weeds, and that's an education that we are working on. All the while to get back to our, you know, to come at the end of the day to the fount to the altar, and pray to the Lord and say, what, what do we need to know and we're blind in this but it was for all children. And I often say to people, there's there's no Heaven without my brother, and my son. I love that. I mean, that's, that's our belief, right? That we are sealed together as families and bound together as family. So I just I revel in the comfort of that, and we don't understand we have no answers. But as mothers, we know, the beauty and the divinity of these children, and the more mothers we talk to the more stories of the Lord helping them in the wilderness to understand these children and to strengthen them, Jenie Rae Hunter 15:49 I think we're talking about this today because, you know, I love that the church has given us so much authority of parents where, you know, once again, we're home center church supported, centers, groups, focus, supportive, yes, church supported, where, you know, you really have this personal authority as parents, to guide your the message that your children hear about the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I love that we have the rule that at any time, you're you could go with any interview with a bishop or state president and sit there with your child and make sure the messages are in with align with what you're telling at church and at you know, I mean, start telling at home, because, you know, there's I love bishops and state presidents, they've worked so hard, right? That like the bishops, to me is the hardest job in the whole church, very little, like training, right? They're thrown into the hardest situations of people's lives, and they have to put their life I just love bishops and bishops wives, I commend you, you're amazing people and you give, give give. And even though I know sometimes, bishops misspeak, right, they just, they're just men, and they're doing the best they can. They're learning. And I know this is because of so many moms I talked to and the bishops, there's no ill intent, I know that. But there is sometimes things that are said that have done damage. I know that has happened in our home with our son. And so I think, like, parents, moms, and dads really be prayerful about, you know, the interviews your children are having at church,you know, because there is very different interpretations of like the doctrine and how we're viewing our LGBTQ saints, you know, that you felt that. And so use your personal authority and use the tools that our church has given you to protect your child and to be able to steer your children in the message of their divinity, and that they are whole and not broken? Allison Dayton 17:48 Well, yeah, as you were saying that I thought it might be a good idea just to have a conversation with the bishop beforehand, before any meetings where you could mention to them, I understand I don't want to limit what you're saying. But I would, I pray that you will pray about focusing on the love of Christ, that light and love of Christ on my child, the entire message. And I just think it's okay, to advocate for valuable messages, those messages will ring in their ears for the rest of their lives. Jenie Rae Hunter 18:29 Well, they will and because they didn't do that just as much, right? Yeah, Allison Dayton 18:33 they will be impossible because the bishop is speaking for for God, right? Jenie Rae Hunter 18:41 Yeah, he has those keys. So Allison Dayton 18:44 in all humility, you can ask a bishop to be very prayerful. Yeah, about focusing the love of Christ on the child. And you could remind the Bishop that, that your child knows about the doctrine the way it you know, and that wouldn't necessarily need a new lesson on the doctrine because they're very well aware of it. And you talk about it quite a bit in your family and in primary and young woman's and all of it. But that is, that is, that's just you there, then you're giving the bishop a breath, and a moment to really, you he knows what he needs to focus on for this child. And you're not telling him what to say you're just asking him to, to reframe it in in beautiful ways that will that will also exist in this child's head for the rest of their lives, and that can make all the difference. Jenie Rae Hunter 19:42 Yeah, I don't think you could go wrong and focusing on the love of Christ. And when you said that, I was thinking, I wish I had always done that with my son. Oh my gosh. If I could have done that, like because they're having, Allison Dayton 20:00 All of our children, yes, I'm not sure all of my children got a real huge dose every single time I talked to him, Jenie Rae Hunter 20:09 but I that's what we're striving for. And there have been moments where, unintentionally, I know that I have said, things that Nick took, and brought him shame. And that was painful to realize. But I tell you, and I really want to be vulnerable here with you. When I let go of like, like my shame about it, that I did that costume shame, and had the conversation with him. That was really a powerful moment in our relationship. And we I, all of us, not all of us, but some of his mom say things like no empty chairs and things like that, that we've heard before our child even comes out, we have no idea like we do this from the best intentions. And it we are sometimes part of that message. And don't wait to sit down and talk and apologize. And tell them how your heart where your heart is, and what you've learned and how your heart has changed and how you have new understanding. Because that was really a powerful and beautiful moment for Nick and our andJohn and I. So you know, it's, you know better, you do better. And sometimes you just say things and you don't even know what your child is dealing with. And I know that was part of ours, and then that he came out and, and we even can remember some things. I think then they were brought back to us from him. And we're like, wow, that must have been hurtful. Right? And so sometimes we're part of that message of shame. And I know Allison, you probably weren't because you were so drained by Preston. And it's just a normal life. Allison Dayton 21:55 I was, you know, I did my fair share of I had my fair share of fear, actually, because of my brother's life. Yeah, I didn't I didn't want the same life for for a child and I did my own damage. We all do. And I didn't even need to, Jake was feeling the pain already. You know what I mean? He was doing it himself, too. Jenie Rae Hunter 22:16 I think that is such a interesting thing, what you just said, because that is like, it almost feels like and I see this when my LGBTQ clients where it's not the parents, I'm doing the actual LGBT person where they are constantly looking for, do I belong? Am I like they're looking on high alert for evidence? Are they divine? Or are they broken? And so like, You're not even so it's almost like you have to double down with them about there's nothing wrong with you, you are created in God's image, you are divine. You know, you really these messages. I know like you we hear them a lot. But these children need to hear them double, even more double than your other children. Because they really are high alert of like, Is this true? Is the things I've heard, because they're not just other than our church, they're other than our world, let's be honest. And so it's it's, it's a it's a huge message that they are internalizing. And so to really combat that, talk about it say How are you feeling about yourself? Have you prayed, I love when we're interviewing an LGBTQ member on our on our podcast and how they say what changed the game for me is when I finally prayed god of how he felt about me, yep, right. And so encourage your children to gain their because his witness God's witness to them is going to be more powerful than my witness. The bishops witness, anybody's witness, like God's witness is what is going to go to their core. And so I would suggest you be praying about that, to find out how God loves your child for all your children, but we're talking about our LGBTQ today, and and really encourage your child to pray about that. And to connect, sometimes they can't pray, say, go for a walk, ask questions, like whatever you want to go in the woods. Yes. But like, and I love all the time I say to send them I know like how much Heavenly Father loves you because I do like I've gotten it this vision of how much Heavenly Father loves and values and how much the Savior loves and values him and so I that's the message he hears a lot from me like, well, he loves you or he's worried about you or like yeah, I feel that connection with God about how much he loves his child. And that helps me parent the way I think God wants me to do for Nick. Absolutely. Allison Dayton 24:35 Okay, let me read it and then we'll leave you with that. We take away an LGBTQ child's divinity and replace it with shame when we tell them the way they were born is not part of God's plan. as mothers we assert that any message taught to our children should reassure them they are beloved children of God, and so entitled to all the blessings promised to his faithful children. Jenie Rae Hunter 24:59 That's declaration Number four, on birth right? And so just ponder these words, pray about these words and find out how as mothers and parents, you could be empowered to make a message more aligned with God's doctrine about your child. WIll you read it one more time. Allison Dayton 25:16 Yeah, go ahead and share your thoughts on Instagram On Facebook, where others can see them and we can talk about this and just, we'd love to know what you think we're excited to hear about what you think. Jenie Rae Hunter 25:31 All right, we love you and sign up for Live, and you can come with us because that's, it's like I said, they're gonna go fast. So we want you to be with us and have you with us. Yes, right. All right, Bye! Transcribed by https://otter.ai
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #30- Jenie and Allison introduce declaration #3 - "Our Eternal Family - 'As mothers of LGBTQ children, we know that our family can only be complete when all members are loved and valued equally. We believe that each individual is an important part of the eternal family of God. We have faith that our Heavenly Parents know and understand our unique situations, and that by following their guidance, given through the Holy Spirit, our earthly family will return to live with them again’”
TRANSCRIPT:
Allison Dayton 0:08
Welcome to lift in love conversations where we're building a supportive culture around LGBTQ families in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I'm Allison Dayton from Lipton love and I will show you how to lean into your spiritual discomfort to deepen and grow your testimony of Jesus
Jenie Rae Hunter 0:24
Christ. And I am Jenny hunter of Jenny hunter coaching. I will help you identify obstacles that could get in the way of sustaining healthy relationships, and realizing the blessings of being an LGBTQ family. Each week we will bring you lessons we've learned through our own lives, the experiences of families we've worked with and conversations with amazing experts. Hello, I love to love community. We've missed you. We had we are just coming off of conference weekend. And Alison, it was the weirdest weekend. You know, like I had my I had one child at home my other child, Mary, who was a senior, she went out to go visit all her sisters out of BYU Idaho and BYU Provo, so she's having a blast. And so as john and I and our one child,
Allison Dayton 1:10
I thought we were going to be alone. But Jake came up from BYU and then autumn who does our family stories her daughter up because listen to this, they had planned to watch conference because Anya is and feed the homeless in between the first and second session on Saturday afternoon.
Jenie Rae Hunter 1:27
Anything like that in college, the girls are amazing.
Allison Dayton 1:32
I'm not sure that I sat through both sessions of Congress and then cook for the homeless. Now I cooked five lasagna, and they were just so so delightful. So it was really fun. We thought we're gonna have this boring weekend, and we ended up having all these college kids and they all kind of knew each other through different veins of life. And oh, it was it was cool. It was really cool.
Jenie Rae Hunter 1:53
There's an amazing score every time I go to your house. I'm like, I never want to leave. It is true. It's lovely.
Allison Dayton 1:58
We love that we have plenty of room for plenty of people and you know, kitchens, and all that stuff. So yes, it was just it was a cool it was a gift from autumn that I wouldn't have had had we not have this amazing group of moms that are now getting to know
Jenie Rae Hunter 2:13
I love that. And it's so fun because like, like it being there. And like I think Sunday for me for conference was it was really uplifting. Like, there's some talk Sunday that I will study over and over and I mean I What would you say what's your favorite talk?
Allison Dayton 2:29
Camille sister, Camille Johnson. Yes, her talk was just really amazing. I don't know it just lit me up. I just, it was so good. There were there were like, parts of a lot of them that I would cobbled together as my favorite. But that one just I don't know.
Jenie Rae Hunter 2:45
That was beautiful. Yeah. And I think probably my favorite moment of conference was when the Prophet was talking about the temple and how the Lord wants us to know the covenants like, I felt like the Lord was talking to us it was a really powerful moment for me and I'm just so glad that the temples are open again that we get to go back and you know, have that because I just once again made me excited to study more about the covenants and the dominance and what we do there because I really have a testimony that temple attendance is one of the biggest things that changes you changes your heart, for sure.
Allison Dayton 3:18
It's interesting that you said that because I had a mom that was struggling with some of the stuff that was said about the temple and I would totally understand that and I, I would say this to any parent, and it's true for me. When I go to the temple when I do in a download session, like I feel like I am taught so much about my LGBTQ child like a child, amen, amen. And that's where I mean that's the information I take about the temple is in that when I'm there without feeling that inspiration like I like to hold on to that rather than like other things that maybe don't feel you know that are harder to to manage in my head but they're just so much hope
Yeah, because even though your child may be cannot go into the temple Yeah, you can still go the temple and get inspiration and like like there's still benefits for your child about you go into the temple and their life will be blessed for it.
Yeah, that's what I am I'm sure the understanding and it's it's so good and then I always talk about the initial stories which love those blessings. So yeah, yes you can it was gorgeous here it was.
Jenie Rae Hunter 4:32
It was 90 here.
Allison Dayton 4:34
You know, cleaning up and making food and cleaning it up and make it you but it was awesome. As I totally agree that
Jenie Rae Hunter 4:41
it was a pajama church is the best but we're not here to talk about the janitor today. We are here because we are doing our third declaration of difference.
Allison Dayton 4:50
We're so excited. This one's a good one. Should I read it?
Jenie Rae Hunter 4:54
Yes, but I want to say they're all good but this is a good one.
Allison Dayton 4:58
No and Let me just say, beforehand that the reason we're doing these is because as mothers, you get kind of thrown off your mom game, when you're when your child comes out, and you start questioning things that you would never have questioned before. And so this is a way of coming back to who you are as a mother and who this child is as your child, and who they are in the scope of this life and the Lord, you know, the Lord's plan for them. So, right, the truths, the truths, so Okay, this one is number three. As mothers, we know that our families can only be complete when all members are loved and valued equally. We believe that each individual is an important part of an eternal Family of God. We have faith that our heavenly parents know and understand our unique situation. And that by following their guidance given through the Holy Spirit, our earthly families will return to live with them again.
Jenie Rae Hunter 6:03
Let's break that down a little bit. It's such a powerful statement. And you know, one of the reasons we are doing a statement about eternal families is that we have seen a lot of families when their child comes out question, are they still eternal family. And this is a common pain point that feels very horrible, these thoughts and this, where you have to kind of sift through and decide what is true, once your child comes out?
Allison Dayton 6:30
Well, and I'm not sure where the idea comes from, because it's, it's not stated anywhere that this, like, there's no like, reference about gay people not being part of the, you know, this is like, something that was that came about. And Jenny and I talk about this a lot, and I wonder about it a lot. So when my brother came out in the early 70s, and then I knew about it in the early 80s. My parents never talked about this as something that that disrupted our family or broke or eternal family. That idea never came into the conversation. It was that I had a gay brother. My parents actually never bought into the choice thing. They they never know, ahead of their time. Right. Right. They knew they believed that he could be cured of it, unfortunately. But they didn't think that this was a choice that he made willingly, or that he you know, it was him just being sinful. It was so young when it when they found out. And so we sort of skipped all those conversations about like, no empty chairs. And
Jenie Rae Hunter 7:58
I think that is one of the worst statements that has been thrown around our community, no empty chair, right. Like we do the work for no empty chair. And I think that tells us how ignorant we are with how eternal families work.
Allison Dayton 8:12
Right? Like, like we are all of the eternal Family of God. Yeah. Yeah. So if we're all of the eternal Family of God, than our children are part of the eternal Family of God. And they're in our family, right? So there's no, there's no structure around that. It changed. Like Jenny was saying just the other day, and as we were preparing for this morning, like, it's so weird that I, I never, I never considered it adapted. I asked my mom, I was doing some writing, or something. And I said to her, okay, so why did why did you and dad like, never worry about that? And she said, it never even crossed my mind. Ah,
Jenie Rae Hunter 8:55
Isn't that beautiful? Like that she never had that thought to like, that pain point for her. Yeah.
Allison Dayton 9:01
Now, here's the weird thing. So a whole bunch of people around her were thinking, Oh, our family is broken. There's an empty chair, this child will never be redeemed of God. And they had to feel all that pain, but my mom just didn't have it. So she didn't. Like that's the power of thinking, right?
Jenie Rae Hunter 9:18
Totally, how your thoughts create your result. And, you know, there's so much we don't know, like, there's more we don't know about the attorneys than we do now. And I think like in this case, we really have to keep like the big picture in mind and like, and probably I think present Irene gave the best talk about this when he said in his quote, a prophet of God once offered me counsel that gave me peace. I was worried that the choices of others might make it possible impossible for our family to be together forever. He said, The Prophet said he didn't say which prophet which I wonder, but it's fun that to think about who might be and he said, You're worrying about the wrong problem. You just Live worthy of the celestial kingdom and the family arrangements will be more wonderful than you can imagine. And he goes, our loving Heavenly Father knows our hearts, his purpose is to give us happiness. And so he gave the gift of his son to make possible the joy of family bonds that continue forever. It is the offer that every child of God who comes into the war the world may claim,
Allison Dayton 10:23
right, okay. And here in the family Proclamation. All human beings, male and female are created in the image of God. So we are all created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents. And as such, each has a divine nature, a divine destiny, each, there is no exclusion here for any reason, we also learn the proclamation that we are responsible for nurturing these children, and that we are partners if we have a partner with a spouse. But one important part of the family proclamation that we forget is that disability death or other circumstances may not this may necessitate individual adaptation. So here we are, as parents of LGBTQ gay, trans, you know, what have you children, and let's adapt individual adaptation for the child. So it's all written right? There
Jenie Rae Hunter 11:23
it is. And going back to our statement, the first line of it is, as mothers, we know that our family can only be complete when all members are loved and valued equally, we believe that each individual is an important part of the eternal Family of God. And I like this part, I like the statement because it really is talking about, like, you know, that app, where it's called plant snap, and you take a picture of it, it tells you, you know, like, oh, that plant needs more water, or more fertilizer, more sun, like, when we stop looking at like, like the our family, as I think you said beautifully, like, you need to parent the individual, not the ideology. And not parent or the idea here were parents, an individual, an individual who is divine, who has a divine destiny who is, is loved as equally as the rest of your children, like all of those, whatever, you have thoughts around that child about how they are different in the world, if you're thinking that that is a problem, or if that is disappointing God, those are not thoughts that are serving you. That is where you need to clean up and be like, how my child, the version of my child that I see is the perfect version like that is how God created them. And that is how I need to learn how to love them, even though it's this child might be different from what I thought the child would be,
Allison Dayton 12:44
right? So you you know, in the plant analogy, and I only know like for plants,so I'm going to try here.
But like say you have a fiddle leaf, or you think you have a fiddle leaf because the other kids were fiddling right or your other plants were fiddle leaf. So your water I love fiddle leaf. Very, very pretty. But you're watering this plant every week. Because that's what we do or ferns, you know, you've got a Fern and a fiddle leaf and you're watering these plants every week. And you have this other plant that's emerging, and you're watering it and it's a mess. Well, it's a cactus, you're killing it. You only water that one once a month. Thank you Ben Shilaty for telling me that. And you do you know you have to parent this plant differently, otherwise it will not thrive. So right there's just it's just a, it just is. So here we are we have this child. And and we're adapting, right. We're learning to do this differently. So one of the things that we really talk about is like looking at this child throughour Heavenl Parents eyes.
Jenie Rae Hunter 13:56
Yes, great. You getting like, this is something that I would challenge you to pray constantly about to help me see the vision of how you see this child to your heavenly parents and each of your children. Each of your children, right? It's powerful. Like I told Allison, like I'm from 10, right? And we have nine girls and a boy and like my parents, miraculously, like they parenting they did amazing because they really did give us the value. Like I tell her like we would be watching Miss America putting pink curlers in her hair, and my mom and dad would like any of you girls could be up there like they really felt like we were like, Oh yeah, right. But they really, they really believe that that wasn't just like they saw is better than we thought ourselves. They really did. And they gave us that gift and I saw what it did for me and sometimes, I will be vulnerable here like when Nick first came out. That kind of destroyed my vision of what I thought he was going to be because I all this vision of this amazing like priesthood leader and all these things, and kind of, like, made me think I can they still be amazing and great. Like, it took me a while to sift through my pain to get that vision back and give even a greater vision of Nick foo, what was like to combine his LGBTQ in with Heavenly Father's vision of like, and have a less prescriptive vision of what I thought and what then what he taught me was like, Oh, I didn't even understand this boy. And the gifts he has and the mission he has on this earth, it's very different from what I have thought. But that didn't make it less of this divine destiny he had, well, I had to be schooled that
Allison Dayton 15:43
And think about how important that is, as a parent to do for all of your children. Because often we parent our children, based on what we think about them. Yeah, not really knowing enough about them, or about their true destiny, we're just, we're bringing a lot of our own baggage and baggage that we wish for them. And like, you know, we can run into problems quickly with any child that way, like trying to parent them in a way that you think you should parent them without really kind of contemplating who they are as an individual, instead of an extension of us.
Jenie Rae Hunter 16:19
And I totally agree, but the thing that other children who are not LGBTQ in our gospel, they get sometimes this vision at church, yes, who they were in there, and, and we know that our LGBTQ they fight against that vision, they don't see themselves, they keep hearing the message that they're broken. And so that's why it really does have to start in with you as the mom and as a father, too, because they need everybody needs this vision. And it's like, as we say, co parenting with, with our heavenly parents like, and that's something that you can meditate about. And I mean, it's something that will develop over the years, and you don't want to be like, this is what you're supposed to, you know, we don't want to go back to that like prescriptive, here's who you're supposed to be. But like, wow, I see you as this child. So Jenny, and I get this, because we are talking to each other from halfway around the well.
Allison Dayton 17:17
The Nation entry, our children walk into our lives, and our phone calls and stuff as we're zoom, and zoom so we can see each other and be together that way. So I get to see Jenny parent, crucial Oh, goodness!
Jenie Rae Hunter 17:32
I'm sorry,
Allison Dayton 17:33
No, it's awesome. And when we were talking about this one of these, you were on a call with one of your kids and and the you were talking about the other child, and you talked about them, you said something like, you know how amazing she is. And here's some of her limitations. And here's some of the frustrating things about her and and as you help her to, like, you know, as you know that it was kind of like if you win, you know, that you can help her handle that kind of situation. And I was like, Whoa, I don't know, that I've ever like admitted to one of my kids. Like, I'm always more like, Oh, don't say what the kids. You know, you don't want to say the kids issues with the other kid. But what you did was you you declared their divinity and you help the child understand what about them was frustrating them and how to overcome that frustrating and help help bridge that gap with the child. And I thought that was really cool.
Jenie Rae Hunter 18:36
I'm glad you took it that way because like I think that's probably my coaching because like one of the I think the biggest gifts from me becoming a coach is like, embrace my own hot mess of like, I gave up the idea of like this ideal Jenny and I like to start embracing the journey who I am. And I think that has gone on to my girls were like, where they're, you know, they're sisters, they're gonna have like, run ins. And when they're feeling frustrated with each other, I'm like, yeah, that girl's like that sisters hot mess. But like, also like she's amazing. And I help remind them of why they love them and not try to change. And so this I think does go along well with the statement of like, your individualism, like when we can embrace each other's individualism, and really see it not as a problem and not as a threat to God's plan. But it is God's plan. Yay, your individual child right now, if they are the most unique young woman and young woman's or unique, young man and young men's that is beautiful, and start viewing it that way versus like, I wish he dressed differently, or I wish he didn't paint his nails or had pierced ears. That's fine. Like it's just expression of who he is and his individual. And when we start viewing it that way, they will feel loved and valued equally with all the others.
Allison Dayton 19:51
Absolutely. And remember that this isn't the ending point. This is the messy middle, right. This is the teenage part where they're exploring where they're fit. hearing things out where they're trying different stuff on to see how it feels, and fits and, and works with their live, etc. So, so we just have this, we have this teen, teenage is out that time is always messy it is and like,
Jenie Rae Hunter 20:17
Once again, my coaching advice for you at this point is to slow your brain down really to slow down and be like, this is just this moment like this might be a face this might be like when they're expressing themselves how you're not a fan of, but to really stop, go into the future, like just live in the moment and be like, what like, and this when it comes to kind of to our second or second part of the statement where we have faith that our heavenly parents know and understand our unique situations. And that by following their guidance given through the Holy Spirit, our earthly family will return to live with them again, like your unique situation. I know, the teenagers with Nick, when he came out, they were volunteer in our family. And they, it was hard honestly, to love value him equally. Some days because it was draining me it was we it was requiring a lot of our emotional and our spiritual it was it was very hard on our family because he was in a lot of pain. And it it I was going to God a lot saying like, okay, now and so looking back, what advice I'd give to parents, if you're in the middle of that is you're kind of enduring some of it, it does get better. Like, though you are in the rough seas, and just hang on, just love yourself, give yourself grace, give that child grace, and it will get better. But like, if you could just calm down, not make such a big deal about things and really just see what you need, like in your unique situation. And that goes for like their entire life. And for those moments like, see what you can do to adapt to value how that child feel valued and loved equally in that moment. And it's going to change.
Allison Dayton 22:03
Yeah, and we talked about one of the ways so when your kids giving you the business, right giving you trouble. Yes, you you don't want that on you. So one of the ways to handle this, and we Jenny and I spend a lot of time talking about the blessings of LGBTQ children in our lives. And, you know, that isn't always the immediate experience that someone else is having. Right? That's we want to acknowledge that and Jenny is telling you that very kind of story. So what do you do in that moment? Well, the most important thing is that that child knows that they are part of this family that they are equally loved and valued.
Jenie Rae Hunter 22:44
Okay. And I just want to pause right there. I know for my son, he is constantly looking for evidence that we don't equally in love and value. Yeah, so your LGBTQ child will be on high alert of like, Are you loving me the same as the heterosexual children, I'm just gonna warn parents like this is something you will have to really focus on and keep emphasizing with this child.
Allison Dayton 23:03
Yeah, if there's that disconnect out in the world, it's going to show up at home, right? That they're not loved and supported. So so you want to love and support them. Now loving and supporting them to death is a good thing. But it also needs to be productive and not just candy coated, right? So one of the things we talked about how important it is to so say your kid comes home from church and they're like, I'm not I'm don't want to ever go to church again. I never want to go to church again, I don't feel supported there. I you know, and there's a lot of different reasons. And there's a lot of really valid reasons that they may not want to go to church, and they might just be being a teenager,
Right? Or you might want to support them in that like, it's like, when you have the Holy Ghost and get that unique guidance for your family. And you don't want to freak out. Yep. Because your love for them cannot be based on whether they show up for church or not. That's not like that's not a parental deal.
Jenie Rae Hunter 24:00
That's conditional love versus unconditional. Right?
Allison Dayton 24:02
So you say to them, okay, you feel like this is painful for you to go to church, I understand. And I don't want you to experience this pain. See, I'm showing you love, I'm showing this child love. And, but there are things at church that I think are really valuable. I think, you know, in young men's or young women's or, or Relief Society or elders quorum, we spend a ton of time doing service for others. How can you replicate that in your life without the church? What does that look like? And can you set up a framework for that for me? Explain to me how you will replicate that in your life. Okay? And then like, I don't believe in God, maybe I don't want to go to church. I don't believe in God anymore. Okay, so so if you don't believe in God, what is the higher power? Well, I don't believe in a higher power. Okay, so what is the thing that motivates you to do better, to be better? Like what is That in your life, and you're saying, like, it's fine that you're feeling these things. I can't do anything with them. I need you to think through them.
Jenie Rae Hunter 25:11
You're helping you're helping them create their own framework, which beautiful way of helping them use their agency and teaching them. This is the way to do it, for sure.
Allison Dayton 25:21
This is this is what we do as mothers, right? In fact, I love this quote from Sherry do and I think it's from Aren't we all mothers? Are we not all mothers? Isn't that? Yeah. as mothers in Israel, we are the Lord's secret weapon. See that? I love that. Our influence comes from a divine endowment, which is a gift right, that has been placed in place from the beginning, and the pre mortal mortal world. When our father described our role, think of our individual role. I wonder if we didn't stand in wide eyed wonder that he would bless us with the sacred trust, so central to his plan. And that he he would endow us with gifts, so vital to the loving and leading of his children. I wondered if we shout for joy. Like I love that idea of standing with the Lord and shouting for joy at this experience that at this very moment, we're feeling like we can't handle right?
Oh, isn't that? the antithesis. Right? And we're, like, shouted for joy that these spirits, we're going to come to you? Yeah.
And I have this really strong feeling that, that this is exactly the Lord's like, I have this special project for you. This special like experience? So we want to, we want to know, we can't say, well, you don't believe in God, that's terrible. Like you have to believe in God. like, Okay, first of all, they're teenagers. Second of all, they don't have to do anything. And third of all that separates them from not only us, but God. And the question is really like, is the question you don't believe in God the way I believe in God? You don't think there's anything out there? You don't believe that? We have to, you know, like, what are the questions? So I'm putting it back on my son, or my daughter, or, you know, whatever, we're this child that's coming to me in charge and saying, you know, I'm a leader, and they're saying these things in a class. So okay, what do you think, Tom, explain to me, I'm listening to you, and valuing what you say, I'm willing to understand that you're seeing things differently than I am. Because I get so much and I value what you have to say. Right? Right.
Jenie Rae Hunter 27:33
And like, letting yourself be okay, that they're, they're having a different interpretation of their faith that you have interpretation of your faith, like, it could be different and still valuable,
Allison Dayton 27:43
right. But what we're doing is we're giving them an opportunity to see a different reality, a name it something similar, or, you know, see this, this other thing, bringing goodness into their life, how are you going to serve? How are you going to take time out for others? How are you going to come your self and have a different experience once a week? How are you going to connect with deity with with a power? How are you going, that shows you that you aren't the most important thing in the universe?
Jenie Rae Hunter 28:18
How, yeah, how are you going to focus outward, because that's what our church, I mean, that does really well it helps us focus outward, helps us associate with people that we might not normally associate with, and helps us serve and helps us lead there. Like you said, there's lots of goodness, not that this goodness cannot be in another framework. And when you like you at that way, and talk to your child, that way, you give you're kind of honoring their agency, and also having confidence, like seeing the goodness in that child because one of the things that helped me get out of my pain about like Nick's choices was like, I stopped focusing on the things he wasn't doing and start focusing on the good he was doing. Yeah. And so that really is really a mind shift when you're like, there is so much goodness with this child, because some so many of my clients were like, well, he's, my child's not spiritual, or my child doesn't believe in God, or they don't, you know, but I'm like, your child is completely spiritual, like, like, really, I think one of the greatest tools as LGBTQ family parents is to completely have this vision of this amazing child who he was, or she was in the pre existence, and to keep envisioning that child because we know that they were spiritual giants,
Allison Dayton 29:32
Right? this exactly and helping them once you once they've been able to identify what's kind of motivating them, then you can kind of come back and say, Well, you know that I believe in God and and, and does it feel the same way with your belief system, or like, here's this experience that I've had Do you have a similar experience in yours in your system, and you've named it and I can relate to it as a mom and sort of connected them back together. So We're still having conversations even though our viewpoints are a little different.
Jenie Rae Hunter 30:05
Right? Because everybody needs peace. Everybody needs goodness service like, those are those things that you can help and like how Allison said, like, ask them questions like, Where are you finding peace, because we know that peace is so important part of our mental health, and finding that peace in that time with, like, whether it is meditation or something, you know, like, that's spiritual, that's your spirit, the soul, however you want to phrase it, but kind of parenting them where they're at, without the resistance of change, when and without the moment, you can't go in these conversations with agenda to convince them, but see, you do believe in God, see, there is a place for you at church, that would ruin it, like you really need to build on where they're at, right?
Allison Dayton 30:50
Because we want them to get to that idea that we're all as a family in this together. Yes, you don't ever want them to lose that concept. And that, that the greater, you know, deity, what we who we call God is about connecting all of us together as well. That is the gospel, right? We're all connecting back to one another. And, and my, my gut feeling is that your child will get to that it just might not look the same way that you were seeing it as an adult, and a person that hasn't had the same experiences they have. And this is something that I believe moms are unique, uniquely empowered to do. We are, we know that this child is divine, even when they are the biggest stinkers in the world, as and sometimes when just when they're asleep, a great story of a woman who since passed away, but she had a son who was such a troublemaker, he was so naughty, when he was young, and she would come home, I'm sure he was drunk, and like sliding past the door, you know, getting into bed. And every night she'd go down. And even when he was asleep, she would open the door and just say I love you. Even if she's still mad at him. She didn't have to say it to his face, or he she thought he was asleep. And he knew it. He knew it. And he heard it and he waited for it. And as he got older, he let you know, he kind of testified about this mother who had put up with a whole lot when he was giving her the business and doing all the things he was doing. And, and working through some really hard things in his own life. And she knew he was divine, and she loved him. And she let him know it in the only way she could and it was funny what she does.
Jenie Rae Hunter 32:38
Right. But I think that goes on to this quote that President Trump gave us which, like, he said it so beautifully. Because give yourself grace, mom's where you're at. And he says, he's gonna say it, but I'm just gonna read the quote, because May I invite you to rise to the great potential within you. Don't feel guilty or dwell on thoughts of failure, don't compare yourself with others, do the best you can, and the LORD Will Provide the rest, have faith and confidence in him and you will see miracles happen in your life, and the lives and the lives of your loved ones. My dear sisters, as you live your daily life with all of its blessings and challenges, let me assure you that the Lord loves us. He knows you. He listens to your prayers, he answers those prayers. Wherever on this world, you may be He wants you to succeed in this life. And then eternity. And clonally I know our greatest success is being the mother to the children that we are endowed with, right? The gifts that we're doubting with joy, like Sherry do gave us about vision and like so the Lord is in there with you. And like we say in the second part of this declaration, you know, they will send you guidance given by the Holy Spirit, and they will help you know that sometimes opening the door while your child's asleep and saying I love you is exactly what your child needs. And this is exactly what you could do, right? That it's going to be unique and different for your family.
Allison Dayton 33:54
All of this statement is to show the world who these children are, and to remind ourselves who these children are. And as we go back to the original scriptures that we have kind of built this all off of the struggling lawyers. So what would the What did the stripling wires say? They said, We did not doubt our mothers knew it. What did they know? They knew that the Lord would protect and watch over their children and their time, that if they turn their children's heart to God, and however, that looks for that child at that time, right? However, that looks to him or her, if they turn their children's heart to God, that He would protect them. If they would, if the children themselves would turn their hearts to God. He would protect them. He would see them through dangerous situations. He would get them through and they knew it and they had the confidence of it. And if we can do that for our children, give them the confidence that they are not only loved and protected by their earthly family, but their heavenly family. how can how can they not succeed? And how can we not be creating goodness in their lives?
Jenie Rae Hunter 35:19
That's right, they will thrive in this belief that you will instill in them. Do you want to, we found this quote that Oh, rock says you want to say that quote? Allison?
Allison Dayton 35:30
Heber J. Grant was his father was my great, great grandfather. So I love studying and he was like this, totally intense. His father was this totally intense kind of zealot. Right. And he ended up dying like nine days after President Grant was born. Wow. So his mother Rachel Ivan's grant. She married the her, her husband's brother, and he ended up being an alcoholic and was was not a great husband or father. So he she divorced him and raised President Grant by himself. And they had zero money. And, you know, you might think, Oh, this is a recipe for disaster, right? Especially back in the 18, whatever it was 50s. But no, this child because he was so scrappy. He, he, he actually jumped on the back of President Young's Brigham Young's kerogen and couldn't get off. So he finally at the end of the ride, met Brigham Young and Brigham Young, let him come to his house often and then hit because he was there, he got tutored by sister, Eliza r snow. What honor No wonder and if we you know, so he had this really strong Mother, you have these nice tutoring about Joseph Smith from Eliza r snow, he worked so hard, because he wanted to take care of his mother. And they were working together that he was, he was, had his own company. And he was made one of the 70s at like, age 15, he was a 70 in the church, and he had his own company, and ended up being the prophet and was like, really instrumental in a lot of different parts of the success of the, like, financial success of the church and, and starting a bunch of programs. So he had this quote, that I love, and you can feel like the intensity of his life in this statement and the love of his mother. And he said, without the devotion and absolute testimony of the living God in the hearts of our mothers, this church would die. I just love that, that those words from a man with the background that he had, so powerful, like,
Jenie Rae Hunter 37:47
I love that quote, because the visual like, I'm asking myself, what devotion and absolute testament Living God is in my heart, like where do I need to raise myself up so that my child will know this without a doubt?
Allison Dayton 37:59
And how can you instill a testimony of your child in others, because that's what part of the declaration is right? It's teaching others how amazing these children are, they're loved and valued equally, that each including these are divine children of a heavenly parents. So we hope that this becomes kind of part of your, your thinking, this idea of like, loving equally, and valuing equally, both inside your family and as part of the like, eternal family and expressing that to others. how you've learned this teach.
Jenie Rae Hunter 38:51
And, and I you when you pattern that and were other people see how you are loving that child and loving other members of the LGBT community, you will that will affect change and people move. Okay, so the you the goodness of your vision for these members, other people will follow I testify to that I've seen this over and over again, where like, they start questioning, like their beliefs that aren't aligned with that because you're so sure of the goodness of these people.
Allison Dayton 39:19
Right? And as you learn from the your heavenly parents like what they have in mind for your child like that, that is an answer in itself of the divinity of these children and, and possibly understanding that we didn't have before about the purpose for all of these amazing children coming into the earth at this time.
Jenie Rae Hunter 39:39
Right? And that's more to be taught. And I know like, when I got my, when heavenly father taught me about my son, that's where it changed the game where I no longer have fear about his spiritual journey, and he's not doing everything that I would want him to do right now to be truthful, but I really am not fearful about it because I know it's going to be okay. God In the story with him and me and God, God has got this.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #29 - This week's episode of the Lift+Love Conversations Podcast (episode 29 "Once We Made A TV Show") features actresses and producers Hailey Smith and Lisa Valentine Clark, who you will recognize from their movies "Once I was a Beehive" and "Once I was Engaged", and they are both cast members of "Show Offs”. If you need something to brighten your day, this is it! “Fun LGBTQ moms” Allison and Jenie talk (and laugh) with fellow “fun LGBTQ moms" Hailey and Lisa, as they talk about what a TV show would be like if the characters were an LGBTQ LDS family!
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #28 - Because of our petitioning the Lord we have been taught some beautiful truths about our LGBTQ children. This is the second part of the series - "Declaration of their Divinity", a six part podcast series, talking about the truths that we and hundreds of mom's have learned and shared in this sacred calling.
In this episode Allison and Jenie talk with TJ who is a licensed clinical therapist practicing in Draper Utah (Instagram). Tj is a gay LDS therapist who attended BYU and USC and hosts our Lift + Love monthly teenage/young support groups.
Declaration of Divinity - 2 - Eternal Nature
Understanding and honoring our child's sexuality and gender is critical for their mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health. Their identity permeates all aspects of their spirit and is not limited to their sexuality or orientation.
LIFT+LOVE TEAM MEMBERS AS GUESTS
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LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #27 - All mother's love and worry about their children. But mother's of LGBTQ children spend a lot of time pleading with our Heavenly Parents and our Savior asking them to teach us about our LGBTQ children. Who are they? What is their purpose?
Because of our petitioning the Lord we have been taught some beautiful truths about our LGBTQ children. This is the first part of the series - "Declaration of their Divinity", a six part podcast series, talking about the truths that we and hundreds of moms have learned and shared in this sacred calling.
Declaration of their Divinity
As mothers of LGBTQ children we testify to their divinity. It is our sacred responsibility to seek for and receive new understanding from our Heavenly Parents concerning the full measure of their creation.
#lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtq+ #lgbtqia #trans #transgender #nonbinary #gay #mormon #mormonandgay #latterdaysaint #latterdaysaintparents #ldsparents #ldsparenting #ldspodcast #liftandloveorg
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #26 - In this episode Allison and Jenie talk with Michelle and Carey, two moms who felt prompted to create a safe place for our LGBTQ allies and members. They tell us how they started the group and what has happened since, the lessons they have learned and how participating in this group has changed them. If you have ever wondered what you could do to create safer places of study and belonging for others you will love hearing Michelle and Carey's story.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #25 - HOW BEING AN LGBTQ ALLY CHANGED ME (FEATURING RICHARD ‘PAPA’ OSTLER)- Allison and Jenie talk with Richard ‘Papa' Ostler (host of the Listen, Learn and Love podcast, which provides a platform for LGBTQ Latter-day Saints to share their stories. The Listen, Learn, and Love podcast library, which contains over 400 stories from those working through complicated issues (repentance, early-release missionaries, emotional illness, faith crisis).
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #24 - THE LGBTQ PATH FAMILY SURVIVAL TIPS - Allison and Jenie discuss how they stay in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as LGBTQ families. When your child comes out, it can feel like you are a new path to the Savior and it can sometimes feel like a lonely path. In order to thrive on this new path, you need a survival pack. They teach you 3 tools that will help you not just survive that new trail, but thrive on it.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #23 - PARENTING IN THE WILDERNESS Parenting can often feel lonely and defeating and it feels similar as being lost “in the wilderness”. In this podcast episode Jenie and Allison break down the story in Nephi 16 of the Book of Mormon and gain some great wisdom on how to handle your personal "bow-breaking" moments as an LGBTQ family. You will learn how much your Heavenly Father loves you and your family and the steps to gain your own personal Liahona to guide your family.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #22 - For families of LGBTQ children, church can be a painful place. Sometimes it is hard to find the right balance of supporting your child and finding safety in your church community. Allison and Jenie talk about three tools that help them deal with the dissonance and how they make church a healthy place where their faith can continue to thrive.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #21 - KATE TORONTO, ALLY RESEARCHER.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #20 - Receiving revelation through journaling with Becky Edwards - Allison and Jenie talk with Becky Edwards who is a faith-based life coach, speaker and writer. She shares with us 2 tools that will help you grow your faith. She is also an LGBTQ mom and has learned to use these tools to manage the journey of supporting her son and honoring her faith.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #19 - Join Allison and Jenie as they discuss what to do when you feel spiritually “stuck”. When we are raising LGBTQ children, you can hit some spiritual pitfalls or roadblocks. It is important to learn to recognize when you hit those times, and how to get unstuck. Allison and Jenie discuss 3 ways to help you get spiritually unstuck.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #18 - QUESTIONS FROM THE CLOSET - In this episode, Allison and Jenie talk with Ben Schilaty and Charlie Bird about their journey as podcast hosts of Questions from the Closet.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #17 - FINDING SUPPORT FOR PARENTING TRANS/NONBINARY CHILDREN WITH ANITA ERVIN
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS - PODCAST #16 - CREATING SPACE FOR OUR LDS GAY MARRIED FAMILIES WITH JOHN GUSTAV-WRATHALL - Jenie and Allison talk with John Gustav-Wrathall about his journey as a LDS gay man. John grew up in a faithful LDS family and served a mission and attended BYU. At the end of his BYU student career he decided to leave the church because he couldn't find a way to honor his sexuality and stay in the church. John's shares his powerful story about his relationship with Christ and his journey back to attending the LDS faith as a man how is in a committed gay marriage.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #15 - “Can I support my LGBTQ child and still hold a temple recommend?” We get this question a lot. We tackle this pain-point head-on and arm you with quotes from apostles, handbook references, and stake president's views on how you can do both.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #12 - DR JULIE HANKS, TALKING THROUGH TOUGH SITUATIONS.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #13 - This episode is our continued conversation with David Doyle about the list that he has created to help Bishops/Leadership navigate how to support their LGBTQ membership. He has curated this list through his experience as an LDS LGBTQ member and someone who has had many interactions with Bishops, youth and stake leaders as he has served as a Stake Young Men's President and Stake Executive Secretary for many years.
LIFE+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #13 - Allison and Jenie talk to Jessica Livier Mendoza De la Vega (Liv). Liv was recently asked to speak at BYU Women's Conference as an LGBTQ LDS member about the importance of creating a safer place in our church. She shares with us her amazing journey as she has personally navigated finding her own place of belonging as an LGBTQ woman in the LDS church.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #11 - David navigates a unique journey in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints as an openly gay man. David is currently serving as the Brandon Stake Executive Secretary. He shares his thoughtful testimony of Jesus Christ with Allison and Jenie and talks about what it was like growing up in the LDS church and gratefully does not sugar-coat the brutally hard parts. There is so much to learn in David's story.
You will walk away from this conversation with a changed heart for our LGBTQ members and will learn how Heavenly Father is mindful of all his children.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #10 - PRIORITIZING YOUR MARRIAGE AS YOU RAISE AN LGBTQ CHILD - In this episode, Jenie and Allison get real about how marriages can take a hit when your child comes out. Each share how their marriages faired and what they had to do to keep them on track.
The strength of the marriage is as important as the health of your child.
We share six tips that can help protect and grow your marriage into your strongest relationship.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #9 - SUICIDALITY IN LGBTQ YOUTH with LISA HANSON OF FLOURISH THERAPY - In this episode, Allison and Jenie speak with Lisa Tensmeyer Hansen. She is the clinical director and founder of Flourish (Flourish Therapy, Inc), a behavioral health clinic located in Provo, Utah, which she founded in February 2017 to meet the needs of LGBTQ+ and SSA individuals and their families. Lisa received a B.S. from Brigham Young University in 1990 as university valedictorian (Summa Cum Laude with Honors thesis), an M.S. in 2012 and Ph.D. in 2017, both at BYU, focusing on improving the mental health of LGBTQ+ people in conservative family and community. As part of her graduate programs at BYU, she taught a course on the family proclamation and a course in graduate research and writing.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #8 - “I thought I was alone!” is the number one thing we hear from mothers of LGBTQ kids. When your child comes out as LGBTQ it can feel very lonely as the mom. You are not sure who you can talk to and who, if anyone, would understand what you are going through. This is tricky because this is a time when you need the MOST support.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #7 - Jenie and Allison talk about the lessons they have learned by loving their LGBTQ family members. Jenie learned that she found out that she had some "blind-spots" when her son came out and how his coming out changed her ability to love herself and others. Allison and Jenie share their lessons learned and how this journey changed them. Listen to this episode if you want to learn the path to loving your LGBTQ family members unconditionally.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #6 - WHATS THE DEAL WITH THE PRIDE FLAG? In this episode of the podcast, Jenie and Allison discuss the pride flag and how we can see this symbol in a new light.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #5 - NIKKI HARMON - STAYING CURIOUS
Nikki Harmon discusses how important it is to keep safe communication open, to supporting your LGBTQ family. Nikki also shares with Jenie and Allison a real experience where she shifted from anger to curiosity, and how it changed everything!!!
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #4- Allison speaks with Jenie Hunter and her son Nick, who is gay. They openly discuss their individual experiences as Nick realized he was gay and ultimately came out to family and friends.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #3 - In this episode, we talk about sex. Talking to your kids about sex is a high anxiety experience for sure. For families with an LGBTQ child, this can be totally terrifying. Allison and Jenie knew that we needed a real expert to discuss this with, so they talk with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, an LDS Relationship and Sexuality coach. If you have not had the chance to listen to Dr. Finlayson-Fife, you are going to love her wisdom and her grounding in the gospel.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #2- As parents of LGBTQ families, Jenie and Allison each have felt they were called by our Heavenly Father to create healthy faithful families incorporating their new reality. In this podcast, you will learn about the blessings and discoveries that many have been taught in their journey. Peace will come as you turn fear into faith and as you pray for understanding and guidance from the Spirit.
LIFT+LOVE CONVERSATIONS PODCAST #1 - PARENT PAIN IN AN LDS LGBTQ FAMILY - It is absolutely normal to go through a range of emotions when a child comes out. In this episode, Jenie and Allison talk about their individual journeys and how they each reconciled their own feelings and created a healthy space for their faith and their family.