HOW CAN I TALK TO MY KIDS ABOUT DATING, MARRIAGE, ETC WHEN SOME ARE LGBTQ & SOME ARE STRAIGHT?

This is the reality for any family with gay and straight kids. The fact is, the law of chastity is different for our gay and lesbian children, they are asked to live the law of celibacy, with no help or support. A search of the church website brings up celibacy under both the Topical Guide and the Guide to the Scriptures, but each only says, “see marriage, marry”…

screenshots from the www.churchofjesuschrist.org “topical guide” and “guide to the scriptures” after searching for the term “celibacy”

Parents of LGBTQ children are so often on their own to navigate with no map and often no support.

To church members who don’t face these challenging dilemmas, we only ask for support and love- and that you might add your prayers to ours, as we pray for more light and knowledge to shine on our LGBTQ Latter-Day Saint families - Allison

This blog post was originally a @liftandloveorg social media post on Instagram April 20th, 2022. Many experienced LGBTQ parents and LGBTQ individuals posted their thoughts, experiences, and suggestions as comments to that post, so you may want to check out that post on Instagram for more information.

GO AND SIN NO MORE (RIGHT?)

In the last little while, I’ve heard many people use this phrase as a reason to withhold support or condemn LGBTQ people. How did this happen?

The story of the woman taken in adultery is one of my favorites. It is the very message of the atoning gift of the Savior and the grace He offers each of us.

You know the story. The scholars and the Pharisees bring a woman caught in adultery the place her in the middle of the Temple court and ask Jesus what should be done with her. It’s an obvious trick to convict the Savior. In response Jesus simply says, “Let the person among you who has never done wrong throw the first stone at her.”

So, here’s the really tricky part, the law demands that she be stoned to death. Had any one in the crowd felt they were good enough to throw stones, they might have become a killer.

Skipping to the end misses the layers of beauty in the Savior’s way of loving each of us.

First, He protects her by clearing away those who mean her harm. Only then does speak directly to her about the things she has done. When she tells him no one is left to condemn her, He says to her, “Neither do I condemn thee. Go and sin no more.”

Sometimes we’re the woman, sometimes we’ the crowd, but Jesus Christ is always the light and the way through our own complicated circumstances.

Using the line, “Go and sin no more” to point out where you think others are wrong, is a lot like waiting in the shadows until the Savior leaves and then picking up one of the unused stones and hucking it at her. - Allison

IS EVERY INTERACTION AT CHURCH A TEMPLE RECOMMEND INTERVIEW?

“Every interaction at church isn’t a temple recommend interview, our job isn’t to determine worthiness!”

My dear friend, a ward YW president, brought this up during ward council where the group was discussing how to create a place of belonging and safety for all to worship the Lord.

The bishop’s counselor suggested they put the phrase on t-shirts.

I think it’s safe to say, unless you happen to be the bishop, none of our interactions should be temple recommend interviews. Not in our heads, and definitely not out loud.

In nearly every single healing interaction we see in the Savior’s ministry, we see the truth of this.

The Pharisees, forever holding temple recommend interviews, slowed down the Savior’s work, as they peppered him with comments that started with “BUT… “

Is it just me, or do you sense an internal sigh in the Savior’s tone as you read how he patiently responds with questions that often turn the focus back on the one asking the question?

I think it is very telling that the first and most important commandment, is where OUR focus should be. Loving God with all our heart, and with all our soul, and with all our mind. It is a complete personal plan for divine guidance as we learn to become like Him.

The second, is our responsibility to others. To love them as though they were us. He didn’t say love your neighbors like you want to be loved, HE said love them as yourself.

Not a hint of responsibility for making sure OTHERS are following the temple worthiness guidelines.

However, we have been deputized to do proxy work for the Lord. To love and create unity with our neighbors. SO much so that they ARE actually part of us.

When we do the Spirit of the Lord will flow like a current through all of us and we will each know that sweet feeling of love from and belonging to the family of Our Heavenly Parents.

We can do this now, no temple recommend interview needed. - Allison

The OG Lift+Lover

The OG Lift+Lover.

My dear mom passed away, surrounded by her family. We were so lucky she was able to tell each of us how much she loves us, even @_Lukedayton on his mission. It was so hard, but it was also time. She lived an amazing life.

The way Sally Grant (Sarah Jane Moyle Creer Grant) momm’d is the impetus for all things Lift+Love. People always ask me if I am like her?

Not at all.

My mom is private and would not share her ideas and opinions with the world like I have done. She is thoughtful and private, intellectual, resilient, eloquent and elegant.

She is like so many of you, not comfortable sharing her life with everyone. She was quiet about struggles they had raising a gay son in the 70’s and 80’s. She was quiet about his struggles and about the conflict that remaining in the church, caused between she and her first born son. She talked to very few people about having a gay son, and spoke openly and defiantly only in her old age.

But, she loved my brother absolutely. She did the best she could in a time of terrible information, stereotypes and doctrinal misunderstandings.

She had total faith, to the very end, that our family was sealed and would be together FOREVER. All of us, not most of us, not a few of us, ALL OF US!!!

No one could ever give her any good reason or doctrinally sound perspective, that would make her worry about the eternal future of her gay son. He was her child and the child of Heavenly Parents. She trusted the sealing power of her temple marriage and the peace she had from the Savior. Her work was to keep our family together and to love her son, even when everything was very hard.

She was the OG Latter-Day Saint LGBTQ Mama, amazing in her own quiet and incredibly stubborn way. And today, she is holding my dad and my brother. I feel a little left out.

BTW-I told her to get back to me, somehow, about the all the mysteries around our LGBTQ kids. She said she would. I’ll let you all know what she reports.

HOW TO GET RID OF PRIDE FLAGS & MARCHES

A lot of people express discomfort with flags and parades. It might help to understand these were symbols and events created 40- 50+ years ago to support those who were not being supported by family, neighbors, and churchgoers. So many LGBTQ people had been thrown out of their homes and communities simply for who they were.

Can you believe it has been that long and we still need these symbols to help others feel supported and loved?

If everyone would follow the example of this woman, and love their Igbta family members for who they are, and take the time to learn how to be supportive, there would be no need for flags or parades, or
division. It's that simple!

And it is absolutely what the Savior expects of us.

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples if ye have love one to another. John 13:
34-35

-Allison

What is ONE THING that would improve the church experience for LGBTQ members & families?

CLICK TO WATCH THE VIDEO

Recently, I asked Lift+Love Instagram Followers to tell us - what is ONE THING that would improve the church experience for Latter-day Saint LGBTQ members and their families? To see many of the responses, click the video above!

WEDDINGS

This was the happiest and most important day we have shared as a family.

The wedding of Devin and Jake was literally full of loved ones who flew from all over the world to celebrate their marriage. It was a perfect day.

Many of the people pictured here are not active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and some are not members at all. WHAT IF they had purposefully not come to the wedding because they didn’t want anyone to think they approved of where (or how) the happy couple were getting married?

I hear about so many members who question if they should go and support the weddings of their LGBTQ family or friends.

What if some of these people in this wedding photo had decided not to come to this traditional LDS temple wedding because they were worried about the message their attendance would send? Was their attendance ever interpreted by us to mean that they agree with our beliefs and where the marriage was taking place? Or did it simply mean that they love my family? Without each of them, would this photo still be a reminder of a perfect day, or would the holes of those missing loved ones forever remind us of those who stayed away because of differences in beliefs?

I am grateful for those, not of our faith tradition, who waited on the grounds of the temple as my baby was sealed to her honey inside, and then joined us on those gorgeous stairs for a priceless memory of our greatest day ever - Allison

Do we glory in variety in all things, EXCEPT sexuality & gender?

There is a misconception that people choose to be LGBTQ. This is some seriously OLD school nonsense.

Being LGBTQ is not something that a person can turn on or turn off. It’s not born out of curiosity, pornography, depravity, or rebellion.

With the wide variety of characteristics from individual to individual, why are we so surprised there is a variety or a spectrum in sexuality and in gender?

Within a nuclear family, height, body type, eye color, disposition, intellect, hair texture & color, ability to keep or grow hair, mental health, finger length, foot size, ability to dunk, risk aversion, taste, birth defects, thoughtfulness, and fertility are some of the thousands of characteristics that make each of us unique and amazing. None of these things can be chosen.

Why do we expect sexuality and gender to be something we can change?

We glory in variety in all things, except sexuality and gender?

I’m pretty sure LGBTQ human beings did not take our Heavenly Parents by surprise. We should not be surprised by the concern and protective love they have for THEIR LGBTQ children. Particularly as they are so misunderstood and mistreated.

Heavenly Father desires that EACH of His creations grows and thrives in its particular sphere.

Science is getting closer to understanding how sexual and gender variety comes to be. The latest research on homosexuality, for example, points to genetics and gestational factors. As we come to understand how natural it is to have a percentage of humans fall into one or more of the LGBTQ categories, we need to strive to understand more fully the Father’s plan for His unique LGBTQ children.

As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, WE understand the miracle of continuing revelation and further light and knowledge.

Let us pray for that very light to shine on our LGBTQ members. WE can bring them out of the shadows into the healing light of the Savior’s love and our embracive community.

With love, we can do so much more than we think we can. ❤️

-Allison