lift+love family stories by autumn mcalpin
Since 2021, Lift+Love has shared hundreds of real stories from Latter-day Saint LGBTQ individuals, their families, and allies. These stories—written by Autumn McAlpin—emerged from personal interviews with each participant and were published with their express permission.
THE STEPHENSON FAMILY
Every Christmas Eve, you can find the Stephenson family ice skating with their cousins near their hometown of South Jordan, UT, then eating dinner at Red Robin, a tradition that began several years ago when dinner plans were abruptly canceled and they found themselves with nowhere to eat.
THE HUNTER FAMILY
John and Jenie Hunter of Brandon, FL had been trying to have children for some time when the opportunity presented itself to adopt a baby boy from a teen mom in Tennessee. They were ecstatic to bring their son Nicholas (now 24) home, and further thrilled when they were able to later have five biological daughters, Grace – 21, twins Ellie and Sarah Jane – 19, Mary – 17, and Kate – 12. As they raised their kids, John and Jenie noticed other differences about Nick -- besides being the oldest and only boy. They wondered how much nature vs. nurture played into things. “He was always exceptionally artistic,” says John. “He’d come to me and say, ‘Dad, draw me the ship from Star Wars,’ and I was like ‘Uh…,’ and then he’d proceed to draw it out with incredible detail. He saw the whole world in lines and shapes. He was always so creative. We love that about him.”…
THE CHAPMAN FAMILY
“It wasn’t a shock,” Susan Chapman says of her 21-year-old daughter, Sarah, coming out earlier this year. In fact, when Sarah was in high school, Susan tried to broach the subject herself with a “Hey, so…” Sarah would laugh and tell her friends, “My mom thinks I’m gay.” Susan now knows Sarah wasn’t ready to admit it just yet. Brought up LDS, Sarah was under the impression that perhaps it was something that might go away after she served a mission. But during her mission, Sarah realized this is who she is and it isn’t going anywhere. When she returned, she thought she might date guys, but quickly realized that also wasn’t going to work out. Shortly after, Susan visited her daughter for her birthday, and Sarah shared a particular Questions from the Closet podcast episode with her mom. Susan says she isn’t proud of how she responded at the time, and the next day apologized for not being as open as she would have liked. “When I went home from that trip, I really realized: my daughter is gay. Heavenly Father was preparing me.” She asked Sarah if anything was troubling her. Sarah replied, “I’m just dealing with some stuff.” Susan said, “You might as well tell me because I think you’ll feel better once you do. I already know, but you’re going to have to tell me.” Sarah said, “How did you know?” Susan said, “God told me.”…
The truth is, they were both dealing with a lot of really heavy stuff. In November of 2020, Susan’s husband Ryan had been diagnosed with colon cancer. He had lost his own father to a different form of cancer a year prior, and Ryan’s prognosis also did not look good. Sarah asked her mom not to tell her dad about her orientation, but Susan did – an action that upset her daughter, and the two did not speak for a few days, which was very out of character for them. But Susan needed the support of her spouse – her best friend, and most importantly, she knew that Sarah would need to know she had her dad’s support while he was still with them, if things were to go south.
Indeed, Ryan instantly expressed unconditional love for his daughter, and his own previous ideologies about what it meant to be gay changed on a dime once it hit home with his own daughter. Susan says he told her that up until that point, he wanted to believe it was a choice -- that if someone did not want to be gay, they could choose not to be. To each his own. But now, he knew that he had misunderstood…
THE SAIS FAMILY
“This is a season Rebecca and Jeff Sais have eagerly anticipated for a long time. Jeff comes from a multi-generational farming family; and after working for four decades in the agricultural business himself, he was able to retire in August. Now the couple is in Provo’s Missionary Training Center preparing to embark on 18 months of senior missionary service in Kentucky, where they have been tasked with developing the church’s ARP program -- an opportunity they say never would have happened if it weren’t for their testimony of the Savior that deepened through raising their daughter, Lindsey (41).
Lindsey is the oldest of her siblings, John – 39, Erin – 33, and Andy – 31. The Sais kids were all born in Idaho, and raised in Santa Maria, CA where they moved in ’93. Rebecca and Jeff have always strictly followed the principles of their LDS faith. As a child, Rebecca says Lindsey was very spiritual and obedient, super bright, and always loved school. She also loved looking for worms to sell and playing outside, and was the head of her T-ball team. She did not like pink or anything frilly. Rebecca now regrets that there were times she tried to encourage her daughter to wear her hair differently, or otherwise be something she wasn’t. After entering high school, Lindsey later got involved with friends who drank and smoke pot. She also had no interest in dating and never expressed wanting to do so. While her parents had suspicions about Lindsey’s reality, Rebecca says, “We were in denial. We didn’t talk about it. We tried to love and support her the best we knew how, but she had different ideas and became closed off.”
Long Beach State became Lindsey’s new home after high school, and in college, her drinking and drug use became a problem. She’d occasionally visit home, where house rules mandated she align with gospel living, and this caused some friction between her and her parents. While at school, Lindsey became involved with a (non-LDS) man, and the two married civilly in an LDS chapel. Afterwards, he joined the church, and at the urging of Rebecca and Jeff, the two took temple prep classes and were sealed. Lindsey’s husband was in the military which moved them to Hawaii. There, things spiraled downward fast. Lindsey hung out more and more with her gay friends, and ultimately came out to her husband (but not her parents). At Christmas, they told their families they were getting divorced.
THE FOGG FAMILY
Shortly after Michelle Fogg turned 20, she became active in the LDS church and received her patriarchal blessing. In it, she was blessed she’d have children “who will be special to the Lord” -- verbiage she found odd at the time, as she presumed all children fit that category. She wondered what might lie in store; and indeed, many unique experiences have come as Michelle and her husband, Steven, have expanded their family to include five children currently between the ages of 4 and 17. The Fogg children have a range of severe food allergies, rare medical disorders, mental health diagnoses, and giftedness. Emalee, now 17, was born with an array of medical problems that launched science-minded Michelle on a 10-year journey into the food allergy world.
Michelle started a non-profit and advocated for kids like hers in front of legislatures, created trainings for school nurses, served on national boards, and promoted education and safety for kids with life-threatening allergies on a local level. A decade of advocacy took its toll, and Michelle ultimately felt prompted to step back and center her care efforts in the home. It was soon after this time that her oldest daughter, Emalee, then 15, invited her mom to dinner to tell her, “I like girls, instead of boys.”…Saying these words brought Emalee tremendous relief. While this news rocked Michelle’s world, there was some relief that she was now in a place in which she could pivot to a whole new category of parental love, support, and understanding.
Michelle shared their daughter’s news with Steven, and together, they agreed to make it a top priority to continue to love and support Emalee, while pursuing further education and understanding. This time, however, Steven begged Michelle to not make their family a poster family for LGBTQ advocacy – not because they didn’t support their daughter, but because of the lingering PTSD from allergy-world exhaustion. Almost three years later, crediting the crucial connection and perspective she gained from listening to other people’s stories (mostly via Ostler’s Listen, Learn, and Love podcast), Michelle trusts it is the right time to share the signs and preparation she received along her daughter’s special journey. Because there were plenty.
THE KENNEDY FAMILY
This week's Lift+Love At Home story features the Kennedy family: "On paper, everything seemed ideal: top of his class, National Merit Scholar, Eagle Scout, Order of the Arrow member, returned missionary and recipient of a full scholarship to Utah State University. But for years, Jeffrey Kennedy’s parents had suspected something was troubling their son. “He was very closed off growing up; he didn’t want to talk about anything emotional. But as a middle child and someone who was so scholastic, he could get away with it – hiding up in his room to do homework. ‘That’s just the type of student he is,” thought his parents. But neither Pam nor Darin Kennedy was aware of the silent struggle their son was enduring, unable to acknowledge and accept a part of himself that he was battling to keep hidden…
THE JACKIE SMITH FAMILY
There are some advantages to not growing up in the LDS faith. For Jackie Smith, joining the church as a college student from a socially liberal family background has always allowed her to approach church culture from a different angle -- one that as an author and mother of seven, she now uses to help herself and others navigate through certain social ideologies, especially when it comes to facing essential parenting pivots and difficult pulpit pronouncements.
As an LDS-outsider (who’s now been baptized in for the past few decades), Jackie observes that, “There appears to be a pride that develops sometimes in the church based on a checklist of our children’s behavior – mission, BYU, marriage, etc. These are things that I don’t think matter as much as we think they do to God. And when we get our self-esteem by our kids checking these boxes, it can become difficult. Because if a kid makes a different choice, it feels like a personal threat.”
