How can I be supportive of gay folks?

How can I be supportive of transgender folks?

pride month 101 - pride for beginners!

Are you new to the LGBTQ+ community or just looking for information about Pride Month? We’ve got answers to some of the most common questions about Pride Month - What is Pride Month about? Why does Pride get a whole month? What’s the deal with pride flags and parades? Whats the deal with the rainbow? Isn’t Pride a bad thing? Is being LGBTQ+ something to celebrate! Find answers in our free downloadable pdf here!

Can I still have an influence my child? Video by Parenting in the Wilderness

In this short video, Anita from @parenting_in_the_wilderness explains how a parent can still have an influence on their child, even though they can’t control their choices. How do you want to show up in your child’s life?

WATCH HERE

Choosing Between Faith and Family? - Parenting in the Wilderness

In this short video, Anita from @parenting_in_the_wilderness explains why you don’t have to choose between living your faith and loving your family.

WATCH HERE

Lunch with the Renlunds - A blog post by the Nerdy Gay Mormon (David Doyle)

David Doyle @nerdygaymormon (one of the hosts of the Lift+Love LGBTQ+ Adult Support Community) has a new blog post about his recent experience having lunch with Elder Dale G. Renlund and Sister Renlund: 

“I had the opportunity to meet Elder & Sister Renlund. They were cute. Elder Renlund said something, then his wife didn’t exactly correct him, but pointed out his words could mean this or that. I commented it’s obvious she’s a talented lawyer. She looked amused and he said it’s true. 

Sister Renlund apologized and said we were going to eat in a little cafeteria, and the food is fine but nothing to write home about. It’s a place we can go without being constantly interrupted. I’m thinking, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Are we about to eat in the Church Administration cafeteria? The most exclusive spot in town?!!” 

When we sat down, I reminded them that when we met several years ago in Brandon, Florida, we took a picture together and the stake president called out, “Every General Authority who takes a picture with David offers to take him to lunch when he goes to Utah.” And here we are, having lunch! We laughed at that.

I noted that when I first met Elder Renlund and disclosed that I’m gay, his immediate response was “Same-sex attraction isn’t a sin, but bullying people over it is.” This reply was unexpected but meaningful to me because it indicated you understand that is part of the experience. People make comments and do things that convey very rejecting messages. 

They may or may not intend it that way, but it’s this one, and that one, and another one. It may seem like no big deal to them, but I’m the one receiving such messages over and over and over.

He responded that we are to love everyone. It’s not our place to judge.

I brought up the panel I’m going to be on at the Affirmation conference. Parents of LGBTQ children can ask questions to those of us on the panel. I’m thinking that what I’d like to convey is these are your children, love them. The children are the ones who have to make difficult choices and to live with the consequences…

Parents shouldn't make their relationship & love another tough choice. The Renlunds agreed.

Elder Renlund commented that too often parents think they have to choose between their LGBT child or their church. So often they think of their choices as a binary, either choice A or choice B. He added that limiting our vision to A or B presents a false dichotomy, we can do both. Sister Renlund stated there's usually a choice C if they will look for it, and choice C is always the right choice.

Then Elder Renlund added, "If a parent has a gay child who is getting married, some church members think they can't go to that wedding. No, that's wrong. You go and support your children, be there for the important milestones in their life."

Elder Renlund concurred. "That's exactly right. We have many nonmember friends and when they come to Salt Lake City, we take them to a little restaurant that serves wine so that our friends can choose to have some with dinner.

Our choice is not to have wine. I don't lecture them about their choice to drink wine. I accept it is their choice and I get to make my choice. I can go to a gay marriage to show I love and support them.

I'm not there to participate in that choice, I'm not marrying a man, he is. I am going to show up as my authentic self and I expect them to be their authentic self. I prefer to meet with people who are being authentic and not pretending to be someone they aren't."

I honestly don't remember what caused Elder Renlund to say this, we probably were talking about queer youth who reach out to me, but I will always remember him pausing, looking right at me, and proclaiming, "You're a hero." I'm sure I blushed at that comment, it feels over the top, I was surprised he would say that. I'm just an ordinary gay guy trying his best to make things work in this space.

As lunch was winding down, I asked if I could share about our meeting and discussion on my blog, it's a place where I write & share about my feelings, experiences, thoughts, and frustrations as a gay member of this church. They said to please do"

The original blog post (October, 2022) by David Doyle the “Nerdy Gay Mormon” can be found here

Can Latter-day Saints Support Gay Marriage?

In this video, Lift+Love Founder Allison Dayton explains why Latter-day Saints Support Gay Marriage. Her explanation includes quotes and video clips from Elder D. Todd Christofferson. WATCH HERE

If you’re interested in hearing more from Latter-day Saint Apostles who have spoken about supporting gay marriage, we also suggest this post by David Doyle, who has discussed the topic of attending/support gay weddings with Elder Dale G. Renlund.

Why Does Pride Get an Entire Month? - Video by Allison Dayton

Lift+Love Founder Allison Dayton answers a common question - Why does Pride Month lasts an entire month (when many other celebrations/holidays like Mother’s Day only last one day)? WATCH HERE

MAY 2024 LIFT+LOVE HEARTH FIRESIDE - IDENTITY AND LANGUAGE OF BELONGING

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE VIDEO

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE FREE PRINTABLE

Heterosexual Marriage for Those Who Experience Same-Sex Attraction? (CHURCH WEBSITE)

Why shouldn’t leaders encourage heterosexual marriage for those who experience same-sex attraction or identify as gay?

MARRIAGE IS NOT A REMEDY

“We don’t counsel people that heterosexual marriage is a panacea. You’ll see in some of these experiences that are related on this site that it has been a successful experience in a few cases, or some have expressed the success they have found in marriage and in raising a family and the joy and all that has filled out and blessed their lives as a consequence. But that, we know, is not always true. And it’s not always successful. Sometimes it’s been even disastrous. We think it’s something that each person can evaluate, and they can discuss both with priesthood leaders and family and others and make decisions. But we simply don’t take a uniform position of saying, ‘Yes, always,’ or ‘No, always’” (D. Todd Christofferson, “Purpose of This Website,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

“Are there restrictions on Church participation for members who identify as gay or experience same-sex attraction?” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Website - Leader Resources

Are There Restrictions on Church Participation for Gay Members? (CHURCH WEBSITE)

“Someone who is adhering to the norm of chastity—someone who is following the covenants and the standards, teachings of the gospel of Christ, though they may be dealing with same-sex attraction—really there is no reason they cannot be fully participative, that they can’t be a full-fledged member of the Church and hold callings and speak and enter the temple and serve there, and all the other opportunities and blessings that can come from Church membership will be available to them.

“There are examples of this among Church members. There are multiple examples. And though no one would say that it is always easy, all of us are endeavoring to maintain those norms and keep our covenants. And we’re all in the same boat, in the same company, in that regard. So I’d say there are many, relatively speaking, who are finding that success in their lives and that happiness” (D. Todd Christofferson, “Purpose of This Website,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

“Are there restrictions on Church participation for members who identify as gay or experience same-sex attraction?” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Website - Leader Resources

How Can I Help Gay Church Members Feel Loved, Welcomed, and Inspired at Church? (CHURCH WEBSITE)

“It is so important that we understand, first of all, that everyone is in a different place along the path and that we develop an awareness of the people that are around us.

“I know people who come to church every Sunday so that they can be inspired and uplifted and who just simply walk away feeling judged and unloved and unneeded, like there is no place for them at church. We need to do this differently. We need to be deeply aware of what the purpose of coming to church on Sunday is and make sure that everyone who comes feels loved, needed, accepted, and lifted. Everybody has struggles we don’t even know about. And it’s so important that we be aware that everyone around us is loved of God and that we need to see them through Christlike eyes. And we cannot allow judgment to dictate the way we interact with people. It’s just simply not right. I feel that the Lord places us where we are and connects us with the people around us for a purpose.

“Because it’s not only about our own progression but about helping others progress. And I have come to recognize that we are placed where we are so that we can love and lift others.

“We just cannot be, or even call ourselves, a disciple of Christ if we are not helping others along that path. The gospel of Jesus Christ does not marginalize people. People marginalize people. And we have to fix that. We need to be sensitive and love them and allow them the opportunity to grow and to blossom and to be their best selves. They have talents and abilities and personality that is needed in the kingdom of God. And if we are going to build the kingdom of God on the earth, we need everyone to come, to come and do their part. And we need to recognize that. When anyone’s shadow darkens the door of the chapel, they ought to feel immediately embraced and loved and lifted and inspired, when they walk out that door, to go and be better. Because they know the Lord loves them. And because they have friends in their faith” (Carol F. McConkie, “Lifting Others,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

“How can I help members who identify as gay or experience same-sex attraction feel loved, welcomed, and inspired at church?” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints Website - Leader Resources

LGBTQ Church Members - How Do I Minister to the One? (Church Website)

LIFT AND STRENGTHEN

“When you focus on the one, you can really lift and strengthen. I have had the opportunity to visit different areas of the world. And we have attended church in many different wards and branches. And until you’ve seen people that are different than you, in lots of different ways, I think it is easy to get focused on a very narrow segment and feel like that’s the only way to be. I think when we get outside ourselves, when we consider others, it helps us realize that we are all a family, our family of Heavenly Father. …

Someone might say, ‘Well, I don’t have a need for other people.’ But maybe they have a need for you. When you choose to put yourself out there, you are blessing someone else’s life.

I think one of the things that we can do is to focus on the one. Can you find one person that looks like they would love to visit or that they need someone to listen to them? Can you look for the person who is sitting on the outside, sitting on the fringe? That gives me a purpose. That gives us a purpose, when we feel not so comfortable with large groups but we just focus on the one.

One of the best ways to form a good relationship is not to come in with assumptions or preconceived notions, keeping an open mind, an open heart. Sometimes we tend to pigeonhole people, or we assume that they are a certain way because of a certain situation in their life or their family. And it’s always surprising; if you keep your mind open and your heart open, you find out lots of wonderful things about people that you might not have ever expected. When you’ve experienced, when you’ve seen, when you’ve opened your heart to other people, you see that we all belong” (Jean B. Bingham, “Focus on the One,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

“How do I minister to the one in the case of LGBTQ members?” - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - Leader Resources

How Can I Help Those In My Ward/Stake Feel Loved/Valued/Needed? (CHURCH WEBSITE)

“As Church members, we all have a responsibility to create a supportive and loving environment for all our brothers and sisters. Such a support network makes it much easier to live the gospel and to seek the Spirit while navigating any aspect of mortality.

I don’t believe I’ve ever met anybody who didn’t want to belong to something that made them feel worthwhile, that made them feel that they had value.

When people wonder, Is there a place for me? it may be any number of things behind that, and now they ask themselves, Do I fit? Do I belong here? Do they really need me? And I want to say emphatically, ‘Yes!’

I think of the metaphor of Paul, which I love very much, [where] the Church is the body of Christ. And he says we are baptized into that body. And he says it’s one body. Many members but one body.

I understand people’s feelings at times that they may not be needed. And sometimes others are guilty of saying we don’t need this person; we don’t need that person; we are fine as we are. Neither one is true. That’s not the Christian way. That’s not the way Christ sees us. He sees all of us with infinite worth. And whatever our condition at the moment may be, the body of Christ is there to sustain each member. When a person feels isolated—I don’t deny the reality of the feeling and why it’s so natural to feel that way—but each of us, whenever that sense may come upon us, needs to stop and think, Jesus Christ died for me. Jesus Christ thought me worthy of His blood. And He loves me. He has hopes for me. And He can make a difference in my life. His grace can transform me. And maybe this person sitting next to me, ignoring me, or even wanting to move away, maybe he or she doesn’t. But that doesn’t change the reality of what Christ feels toward me and the possibilities I have in Christ.

It breaks my heart if someone comes and is very vulnerable and says, ‘I want to try it. I want to be here,’ and then get a cold shoulder or a lack of interest. And that’s tragic. It really is tragic. We have to be better than that.

The diversity we find now in the Church may be just the beginning. Frankly, I think we will see greater and greater diversity. In the ancient Church there was tremendous diversity. And it’s not just diversity for diversity’s sake but the fact that people can bring different gifts and perspectives, and the wide range of experience and backgrounds and challenges that people face will show us what really is essential in the gospel of Christ. And that much of the rest, that has been perhaps acquired over time and is more cultural than doctrinal, can slip away and we can really learn to be disciples” (D. Todd Christofferson, “Is There a Place for Me?” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

“How Can I Help Those In My Ward or Stake Feel Loved, Valued, and Needed?” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - Leader Resources

How Can I Include or Reach Out? (Church Website)

Express Love, Compassion, and Outreach

“As a church, nobody should be more loving and compassionate. … Let us be at the forefront in terms of expressing love, compassion, and outreach. … Let’s not have families exclude or be disrespectful of those who choose a different lifestyle as a result of their feelings about their own gender…No family who has anybody who has a same-gender issue should exclude them from the family circle. They need to be part of the family circle” (Quentin L. Cook, “Let Us Be at the Forefront,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

“How can I include or reach out to those who experience same-sex attraction in my ward or stake?” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - Leader resources

What Should I Do or Say? - Church Leaders (Church Website)

Show Patience and Love

“Initial reactions are critical. And the inclination, the temptation, that people have often is anger or rejection. Sometimes it’s simply denial on both sides of the question, whatever it may be. And it’s important to have enough self-control to lay all that aside and just have a little patience and to begin to talk and begin to listen and begin to try to understand better. We lose nothing by spending time together, by trying to understand. Even where there is not agreement on a course to follow at the moment or how to respond or how to react, we don’t have to do everything today. We don’t have to resolve everything in a month or a week or a year. These things are questions of resolution over time and accommodation over time and seeking the will of the Lord over time and guided by Him over time. So I hope we will give ourselves the time and have the patience to listen and understand and not insist on everything being resolved within a certain framework of time” (D. Todd Christofferson, “Purpose of This Website,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org).

Validate the Reality of Feelings

“One thing that is always important is to recognize the feelings of a person, that they are real, that they are authentic, that we don’t deny that someone feels a certain way. We take the reality where it is, and we go from there. And we want people to feel that they have a home here, that we have much, much more in common than anything that’s different about us. Some of the experiences that are related there, we talk about that in this website. And I believe it is crucial that we always continue to feel that, to express that, to acknowledge the reality of people’s feelings and circumstances and go from there” (D. Todd Christofferson, “Purpose of This Website,” ChurchofJesusChrist.org)

“I have an appointment with a member who identifies as lesbian, gay, or bisexual or experiences same-sex attraction. What should I do or say?” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - Resources for Leaders

Should Leaders Recommend Professional Counseling? (Church Website)

professional Counseling

“A change in attraction should not be expected or demanded as an outcome by parents, leaders, or professional counselors. However, seeking insight from a professional counselor is a sign of strength and humility. If a person chooses to seek such help, others should respect his or her right to determine the desired outcomes…

When one seeks therapy, the Church recommends approaches that respect “client self-determination.” In other words, the individual has the right to determine desired outcomes, and therapists and counselors should respect his or her wishes. For someone who experiences same-sex attraction or identifies as gay, counseling may help the person approach his or her sexuality in healthier, more fulfilling ways. However, counseling and therapy are not needed by everyone.

While shifts in sexuality can and do occur for some people, it is unethical to focus professional treatment on an assumption that a change in sexual orientation will or must occur. Again, the individual has the right to define the desired outcome”

(“Should I recommend professional counseling to gay members and/or their families?” - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - Resources for Leaders)

Is Same-Sex Attraction A Sin? (Church Website)

“Feelings of same-sex attraction are not a sin. President M. Russell Ballard stated:

“Let us be clear: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints believes that ‘the experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God’s children, including [those with same-sex attraction]’”

While same-sex attraction is not a sin, it can be a challenge. While one may not have chosen to have these feelings, he or she can commit to keep God’s commandments. The parent of a child who experiences same-sex attraction or identifies as gay should choose to love and embrace that child. As a community of Church members, we should choose to create a welcoming community.”

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints website - Resources for Leaders

What Causes Same-Sex Attraction? (Church Website)

“The Church does not take a position on the cause of same-sex attraction.*

President Dallin H. Oaks stated: “The Church does not have a position on the causes of…same-gender attraction”

“What Causes Same-Sex Attraction?” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints - Resources for Leaders

*please note that this current statement indicates the incorrectness of previous assumptions that sexual orientation is caused by poor parenting, sins of the parents, or any other factor -Lift+Love

Same-sex Attraction is Different than Gender Dysphoria (Church website)

“Same-sex attraction* and gender dysphoria* are very different. For example, those who experience gender dysphoria may or may not also experience same-sex attraction, and the majority of those who experience same-sex attraction do not desire to change their gender. From a psychological and ministerial perspective, the two are different”

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints “What Do I Need to Understand About Same-Sex Attraction?” for Leaders

*For explaination of these terms, visit the Lift+Love terminology page here