pride month 101 - pride for beginners!

Are you new to the LGBTQ+ community or just looking for information about Pride Month? We’ve got answers to some of the most common questions about Pride Month - What is Pride Month about? Why does Pride get a whole month? What’s the deal with pride flags and parades? Whats the deal with the rainbow? Isn’t Pride a bad thing? Is being LGBTQ+ something to celebrate! Find answers in our free downloadable pdf here!

The Rev. Budde wasn't lecturing. She was encouraging the mercy we all need more of right now - by Tom Christofferson

Read the article by Tom Christofferon. “The Rev. Budde wasn't lecturing. She was encouraging the mercy we all need more of right now" by Tom Christofferson. Deseret News 1/23/25

Lunch with the Renlunds - A blog post by the Nerdy Gay Mormon (David Doyle)

David Doyle @nerdygaymormon (one of the hosts of the Lift+Love LGBTQ+ Adult Support Community) has a new blog post about his recent experience having lunch with Elder Dale G. Renlund and Sister Renlund: 

“I had the opportunity to meet Elder & Sister Renlund. They were cute. Elder Renlund said something, then his wife didn’t exactly correct him, but pointed out his words could mean this or that. I commented it’s obvious she’s a talented lawyer. She looked amused and he said it’s true. 

Sister Renlund apologized and said we were going to eat in a little cafeteria, and the food is fine but nothing to write home about. It’s a place we can go without being constantly interrupted. I’m thinking, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Are we about to eat in the Church Administration cafeteria? The most exclusive spot in town?!!” 

When we sat down, I reminded them that when we met several years ago in Brandon, Florida, we took a picture together and the stake president called out, “Every General Authority who takes a picture with David offers to take him to lunch when he goes to Utah.” And here we are, having lunch! We laughed at that.

I noted that when I first met Elder Renlund and disclosed that I’m gay, his immediate response was “Same-sex attraction isn’t a sin, but bullying people over it is.” This reply was unexpected but meaningful to me because it indicated you understand that is part of the experience. People make comments and do things that convey very rejecting messages. 

They may or may not intend it that way, but it’s this one, and that one, and another one. It may seem like no big deal to them, but I’m the one receiving such messages over and over and over.

He responded that we are to love everyone. It’s not our place to judge.

I brought up the panel I’m going to be on at the Affirmation conference. Parents of LGBTQ children can ask questions to those of us on the panel. I’m thinking that what I’d like to convey is these are your children, love them. The children are the ones who have to make difficult choices and to live with the consequences…

Parents shouldn't make their relationship & love another tough choice. The Renlunds agreed.

Elder Renlund commented that too often parents think they have to choose between their LGBT child or their church. So often they think of their choices as a binary, either choice A or choice B. He added that limiting our vision to A or B presents a false dichotomy, we can do both. Sister Renlund stated there's usually a choice C if they will look for it, and choice C is always the right choice.

Then Elder Renlund added, "If a parent has a gay child who is getting married, some church members think they can't go to that wedding. No, that's wrong. You go and support your children, be there for the important milestones in their life."

Elder Renlund concurred. "That's exactly right. We have many nonmember friends and when they come to Salt Lake City, we take them to a little restaurant that serves wine so that our friends can choose to have some with dinner.

Our choice is not to have wine. I don't lecture them about their choice to drink wine. I accept it is their choice and I get to make my choice. I can go to a gay marriage to show I love and support them.

I'm not there to participate in that choice, I'm not marrying a man, he is. I am going to show up as my authentic self and I expect them to be their authentic self. I prefer to meet with people who are being authentic and not pretending to be someone they aren't."

I honestly don't remember what caused Elder Renlund to say this, we probably were talking about queer youth who reach out to me, but I will always remember him pausing, looking right at me, and proclaiming, "You're a hero." I'm sure I blushed at that comment, it feels over the top, I was surprised he would say that. I'm just an ordinary gay guy trying his best to make things work in this space.

As lunch was winding down, I asked if I could share about our meeting and discussion on my blog, it's a place where I write & share about my feelings, experiences, thoughts, and frustrations as a gay member of this church. They said to please do"

The original blog post (October, 2022) by David Doyle the “Nerdy Gay Mormon” can be found here

What Do You Do When Church Leaders Give Talks That Are Painful?

Acknowledge and honor your pain.

It’s okay to acknowledge that church leaders said something that caused you pain. And it’s important to allow yourself to feel it without judgment. Sometimes, as members of the church, we think that in order to be “all in” the gospel we need to be 100% behind what every church leader says from every pulpit. That is simply not true.

Give yourself time to process

Sometimes the best way to process something is to let it fall to the back of your mind for a while. It’s not going to go away, but it doesn’t have to consume all of your attention. If the talk was given during General Conference, focus on the talks that were healing, uplifting, or inspiring. Give your mind and your heart time to come to terms with the words and the manner in which they were said.

Avoid making big decisions in the middle of the pain

It can be tempting to react or make big decisions when we are reeling from a painful talk. These could be decisions about church or family relationships. But we don’t have to be reactive. Wait to make big decisions until you feel like you can come from a place of love, not hurt or anger.

Seek understanding

Author Doe Zantamata wrote, “It’s easy to judge. It’s more difficult to understand. Understanding requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to believe that good hearts sometimes choose poor methods. Through judging we separate. Through understanding, we grow.” Understanding often requires us to look past the words that were said to the person who spoke them. It may require us to move closer, not distance ourselves from them. If you don’t feel safe enough or ready to move closer, you can take a step back instead. Try to see the bigger picture of their words over time. Read some of their other talks about different topics, or even review other sections of the talk they gave that was painful. Try to see who they are and how they have shown love in situations not relating to this particular pain point…

Extend grace

Extending grace doesn’t mean we have to be okay with what someone says (or the manner in which they say it). It means that we strive to withhold judgment or condemnation of the person behind the words. It means acknowledging that they are mortal and flawed and imperfect – just like us. It means giving them the benefit of the doubt and assuming goodwill when possible. And sometimes it also means recognizing that they may continue to say things that are hurtful and giving yourself permission to avoid those situations.

Focus on the Savior

The leaders of the church may be called to serve and represent the Lord, but they are not Him. More than anyone else who has lived on this earth, the Savior knows our pain and can comfort us in our sorrows. His love is pure and unconditional and healing. When we feel the Savior’s affirming love in our lives, it can give us the strength to keep pressing forward on the path He wants us to travel. Hold fast to the Savior and don't let go. He is our Advocate in every sense of the word.

-Anita